…but…

…my body/brain just won’t…

I guess we all have these moments. We’re eager to do something later. Play a game, read a book, watch a movie, something that will help us to relax. For me, I usually get these nice ideas when I am busy with my routine, with the needed chores. I think of “well, when I have done the laundry, when I have hoovered the house, then…”. And I am very excited thinking about the things that I would want to do… I do my chores, I get ready to relax, and then… I just feel too tired, too bläh , to actually do the fun things that I was planning on doing. And, well, it just sucks.

I want to do so much. I love to play games. I enjoy reading a good book. I want to see new series and movies. But, unfortunately, often, I have to resort to “just” watching some old series or movie again, as my body is too sore and my brain is too bläh to focus on something that needs my attention and/or needs more concentration.

A sweet friend got me a new eBook a while ago. I was so surprised of her generosity and I was really eager to read the new story! I started it and then, I struggled to keep focus. I kept losing what I read last, I had trouble focusing on the words, and I felt rubbish, because I knew she had read the book and she wanted to discuss it with me. And I was just not making any progress getting through the story… 😔

There are several games that I love to play. And I was eager to play one to get through an event, an expedition, that I wanted to finish in time. There is still time for me to finish it (as I am writing this), but every time I wanted to sit down… I was either too tired, my hands hurt too much, or I just wanted to do something that I could snooze a bit with (watch an old favorite series or movie).

There are also new series on the streaming services that I have. And I keep adding things to my “I wanna watch this” list, and then I keep going back to the things that I have seen a whole lot of times… I have managed to watch a few new (to me) things, and I really enjoyed them. But they were shorter series, and after watching those, I was eager again to get back to the more familiar things.

I have more time than others to enjoy my hobbies. I don’t have any work obligations, even though I often wished that I were healthy so that I could work and feel better and all that. But, having enough time to do things, it unfortunately doesn’t mean that I also have enough energy and spoons to actually do those things.

The usual needed chores take me more time to deal with them. They cost me more energy than they used to do before all went bad with my silly body. So when I can get around to playing a fun game, to finally reading another chapter, it just sucks when I can’t concentrate enough and enjoy it.

It feels bad to complain about it, as I know I am blessed in other ways. But it is just frustrating when you have done the chores, eager to “reward” myself with something I enjoy, and then… Not be able to do them… Ugh… It just sucks. So yeah, sometimes I do complain, mostly to Arwen though.

flic.kr/p/2qW4K9D

I know not everyone can understand this. When I first got too bad that I could not work anymore, people just saw me, not having to work, and still getting money. People didn’t understand that I would rather be able to work, make some decent money, feel more useful, have a goal in life, and all that. I am blessed that I don’t have to go out when my body is bad, when my head is off, when I feel like hell. But, I would rather be healthy and be able to work. And yeah, the money is better too when you’re able to work for it. You feel like you have earned it, and it’s more when you work than when you’re on disability… 😔

So yeah, I am blessed that I can still live a life, even though I can’t make my own money. But it’s not like it’s like a holiday all the time. I don’t have the money to do all the fun things one can do when one is free from work. And I don’t have the energy/spoons to do all the fun things that I could do before my body gave up…

Sorry for my complaining. I do hope that this will show others that, being “free from working”, doesn’t mean that one can have the fun life that some think it is. Heck, when I can’t even focus enough to read a book I really want to read, when I’ve finished all my chores… That’s just difficult to deal with at times.

I will try to read my book. I will try to play my game. I do want to see new things. But I will keep re-watchting the old, comfortable, things too. 😊

Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below, or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. You can also comment when you see this post as a Toot on the Fediverse, and I’ll be notified of that as well. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother with that…

Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹

flic.kr/p/2qCtAEn

I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy

If you prefer to use PayPal, that’s also a possibility: PayPal.me/CynniPixy

Thanks ever so much 💜