It seems that as a species develops more emphasis on brains, it also produces more assholes.

Humans? Legendary assholes.
Dolphins? Assholes.
Cats are notorious for being jerks.

Dogs, ducks, geese, seagulls, crows...all have dickish individuals.

What're some species that would be least likely to solve a crossword puzzle, but still produce a significant percentage of assholes?

Like are there any shrimp out there that are just little fuckers?

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

Wolverines and badgers are notorious assholes...they don't seem particularly bright to me (but then again, I'm probably speciest)

What about Octopuses and other types of cuttlefish? They seem to be pretty smart and don't seem to be *particularly* assholish.

in reply to Roknrol

@roknrol as someone who has a lot of crow acquaintances, some are serious dicks.

There's one my girlfriend and I dubbed "Notch" on account of him missing a couple feathers on either side. He knows we feed all the crows on our walk, but if we're not fast enough for him he'll swoop by and tag my head with the tip of his wingโ€”sometimes two or three times like "where're the goods, kibble fairy?"

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

One summer while I was wearing shorts, I had a big hornet fly over, bite into the side of my thigh and then proceed to sting me like half a dozen times for no apparent reason.

I feel like hornets, wasps, and yellow jackets are all pretty much raging assholes.

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

A classic from birdsite:

Wild bee: just getting snack
Me: no prob bee

Mason bee: just make house
me: build a way B

Honey bee: jus sampling the lavenders
me: you know i got an assortment

Bumblebee: hey *bonk* I just *bonk* I h
me: *holds flower still*

Wasp: ILL SEE U IN HELL
me: TELL THEM WHO SENT U

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

I was going to say it's proportional to language skills, because the better a species gets at communicating, the more they can piss each other off.

But yellow jackets and hornets might be an exception, they don't dance like bees so they? Or however the hive coordinates things counts?

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

one summer, i was swimming in the Y pool and my hand came up under a dead yellow jacket that i didn't see in time. even dead the stinger embedded in the back of my hand and had to be pulled out with tweezers. i still have a scar.

hornets/wasps/yellow jackets are *SO* assholes, even dead.

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

You're 100% correct. They are absolute jerks and they have nothing better to do with their existence than to, well, be jerks.

Multiple times I've had wasps just land on me and hang out, waiting for me to think they're gone and I'm safe. Once I was halfway up some stairs, so kind of stuck in a pretty uncomfortable position. Each time they just patiently wait for me to make a movement of some kind so they can pretend it's my fault that they're stinging me.

Oh, and once I had one where I assume I got too close to its nest, but it just followed me all the way across an entire yard, stinging over and over. Like, I got the freaking point, move on!

If that isn't the very definition of a jerk I sure don't know what is.

I think they enjoy stinging people. I really do.

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in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

actually, I found hornets to be very relaxed and social compared to wasps. Couple years ago we had a wounded birch tree in the front yard and it was bleeding sap. Hornets liked that and there were always about a 10 to 20 hornets, big they were, at the wound sucking up the sap. The tree was close to the sidewalk and for weeks the hornets were active. No one got stinged. We watched the from close proximity, they completely ignored us.
in reply to VHG ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

Extreme horror, inflicted insect-on-insect

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in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

strange that you had that happen with a hornet ๐Ÿค” At least for me I encountered hornets as rather chill and very helpful to keep wasps away ๐Ÿค” (they know they're the big kid on the block and don't need to proof it like their smaller cousins ๐Ÿ˜‚)
Maybe it's a difference in specific subspecies? My experience is based on the European Hornet ๐Ÿค”
in reply to Joscelyn Transpiring

@JoscelynTransient that is exactly what happened. It chomped me, I reflexively slapped it, we both looked shocked, then started yelling at each other until the goose fucked off into the water.

The ducks were all like "WTF was that about??"

@bielsubob

Mx. Eddie R reshared this.

in reply to Bill

@w_b almost had a repeat of it a few days agoโ€”while walking with my girlfriend by the lake, a goose started hissing and running at me, I thought "oh, I'm about to have to slap a goose again", but at the last minute a pair of joggers ran past me and the goose was like "fuck that giy in particular" and went straight for one of the joggers instead. The guy yelled "oh shit!" and took off with a goose on his tail.

@JoscelynTransient @bielsubob

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

Answering the opposite question... Goats

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in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

probably some species of cichlid. those fish are surprisingly complicated.

on the other hand, hermit crabs are so polite that they will line up in order of size to wait for a shell of the right size to become available and then pass an empty shell down the line.

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

Mosquitoes.

Late at night, you're trying to sleep. You hear that high pitched whine in your ear. The little bastard is right next to your ear. Deliberately next to your EAR!

You wake up waving it away, but there's nothing, NOTHING!

But you go back to bed, and it's back in your ear.

Fucking BASTARDS! Mosquitoes are arseholes.

...oh then there's malaria, dengue and all those people they kill.

This entry was edited (5 days ago)
in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

@jqmcd I actually feel like spiders are pretty cool. Like, they eat other animals, but that's just surviving as a predator. They don't go out of their way to be cruel, and when they hurt humans, it's usually our fault.

I say this despite having moderate arachnophobia. I appreciate them...just abstractly and from a distance and oh god oh god don't come any closer!!!

in reply to John Q McDonald

@jqmcd I once had a cute little jumping spider sidle onto my desk, pause, then run up and bite my arm. I didn't even know those little ladies could bite humans, but I had an itchy welt there. I still have a fairly good attitude toward spiders, but that one in particular was kind of an asshole.
@JoscelynTransient @alice
in reply to John Q McDonald

@jqmcd
@alice Sydney Funnelweb spiders. Specifically, males in mating season.

Normally, if you don't annoy them, they'll be... well, they won't normally come after you.
But come mating season, they pull out their switchblades, drink a case of moonshine, and go on a rampage. If they see you, they will fuck you up.

Just for added hilarity, their venom is harmless to cats and dogs. They hunt mice, and it's pure biochemical coincidence that it's also bad for humans. The hilarity commences when the family dog brings one into the house and starts playing with it on the kitchen floor. Yes, this is a thing that happens.

Oh, and they can survive for weeks at the bottom of a swimming pool, just on the air that's trapped around their body, and being pulled out does not improve their mood.

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

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Whales seems pretty chill...and smart! They may not do crosswords, but there's a decent chance they do their version of poetry, philosophy, and opera! ๐Ÿ˜œ
in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

"least likely to solve a crossword puzzle" sounds like slugs, sponges, and if im very honest, lionfishes

Edit: tho upon reflection the only one of those that id describe as "jerk who would never solve a crossword" is the lionfish

This entry was edited (5 days ago)
in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

Houseflies. Nearly forty years later I vividly remember a sleepless night at my grandparents' caused by this utter bastard who flew a pattern from one corner of the room to the opposite and back, each time dive bombing my head. All goddamn night, every few seconds.

You'd best _believe_ I hunted this one the next day.

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

I don't know how intelligent they are, but yellowjackets are massive pricks, and they will chase you down if you so much as brush by their nest.

Oh, and brown recluses are straight-up hellspawn which leave necrotic bites, as in, if you get bit by a brown recluse, your skin can literally rot away around the bite area if not immediately treated by a medical professional.

Fuck brown recluses, they can go right back to the pit of hell they crawled out from.

On a happier note, jumping spiders are adorable though as are bumblebees and a lot of native bee species.

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

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Funny you ask this. We have two Guinea Pigs. They're sisters. Both cute as heck and dumb as rocks. But one is a real jerk. Bullies her sister, nips at fingers, steals food.

The bonus fact is - it used to be the other way around. When they were young the other sister was the jerk. One aged into a sweetheart & the other into a crotchety grump. ๐Ÿคฃ

So attitude is fluid among #GuineaPigs apparently.

(Photo is Kaysah - the nice one.)

reshared this

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

The answer here is simple; cats. They are all, as a family (Felidae) assholes. Every single one of them. Sure, they're cute, but they are murderous and want nothing more than to bother you, eat you, or remove things from your counter.
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in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

Centipedes.

They're smarter than you think, especially given how they use their legs when they run. Faster than a cheetah and very good at camouflage and ambush.

But they're ALL arseholes. They will attack basically anything and they don't give a fuck. Lengthy war machines.

in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

What about cephalopods? I'm wondering if assholery is maybe linked more to social animals than solitary ones, since the constant social interactions offer more situations for assholery to give an advantage. Are there ants that are assholes?
in reply to ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ…ป๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ…ฒ๐Ÿ…ด (๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ„)

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