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So a friend of mine was telling me about this one strange thing his wife does. Whenever they get a gift of *food* and ONLY food (eg like a basket of cheese and crackers) she immediately goes about dividing it EXACTLY in half. "this is my part of the cheddar, this is yours" he isn't bothered about it just a little confused.

She told him. "If you had siblings you'd understand."

I suggested he may eat all the cheese and not notice.

Can those with siblings speak on this? Are you traumatized?

in reply to IanMoore3000

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Alex@rtnVFRmedia Suffolk UK

@IanMoore3000 this never happened at home with any food but there is 8 year difference between me and my sister so we've always got on well.

When she started cooking in her 20s, I did however start to meow with our half-Siamese cat when we were hungry, we'd make so much racket she would feed *both* of us and couldn't prove who first started the noise..

I told her it was a cross-species male bonding exercise, to try and make the cat braver (I did also meow against the neighbours cat who had been bullying him and chased him away)

Me and the cat meowed together for some years until the mid 2000s when I had to move away to Ipswich (where I still live), for some weeks after I left he hung around my old room wondering where I had gone as he missed the meowing sessions 😸

@IanMoore3000

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in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Lemniscate

when my sibling and I got food gifts, we usually each got our own so didn’t have to worry about that. But in cases where there WERE shared sweets and we were younger, I did have to make sure she didn’t eat my share. She was a sweets fiend when little.

Funnily enough, food basket divvying was more relevant when I worked somewhere major vendor partners would send gifts to the office for the IT and security folks. Not so fun to oversee the splitting of summer sausage and cheese between grown adults who’d suddenly turned into six year olds about it. Perhaps they too had sibling trauma!

in reply to Thanasis Kinias

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Aaron

@tkinias
It's interesting. My wife and I differ in our treatment of food in a different way. In her thinking, things are often purchased or made for specific people, and that means nobody else touches it. For me, food is food; it's communal, and you eat it if you're hungry, unless someone has specifically told you that they're saving it for themselves. In the past it occasionally led to some conflict because I would eat something innocently (I thought) and then she or one of the step kids (who were raised to think of it the same way before I came into the picture) would get mad at me. Likewise, I would sometimes get upset because I didn't know the unspoken rule that you have to specifically ask for it in advance or you can't have any. We've learned over time, though. Now she lets me know in advance if something is pre-allocated, and I ask first before I eat anything that might be remotely special or treat-like.
@Thanasis Kinias
in reply to Aaron

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Thanasis Kinias

@hosford42
What this reinforces for me is how important communication is within a family. I’d always *ask* if something unusual and unexpected showed up in the fridge or pantry—are we saving this for something specific?—and conversely I’d make sure to be clear if I bought something that I was saving for a specific purpose.
@zakalwe @futurebird
@myrmepropagandist @Aaron @Sean Fenian
in reply to myrmepropagandist

mastodon - Link to source

Patty 6-7. I have no idea...

Grew up with five sibs (plus one much older half sib). Two were 10-13 years older, the bottom two + me were all within 4 years.

Dad would buy us neopolitan ice cream - strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate. We would each carefully eat only our flavor.

When we had to split food, we'd watch the split, and whoever did the cutting got the last piece. Then, my brother realized if he licked all the pieces or spit on it, the two younger sisters, we would be repelled and he'd get it all. Until my Dad found out. Ha ha!

in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Jeremy Kahn

I have a sibling close in age but we were never food-insecure, and we had very different dietary preferences so we rarely fought about food

(I remember that I deliberately ate the vegetarian pizza slices first, though, because his vegetarianism meant that I could take my time on the meat-ified pizzas)

Now we've both moved left —35 years later, I'm a vegetarian & he's a vegan — but he makes *amazing* vegan pizza when we get together and I tell that story every time to apologize

in reply to myrmepropagandist

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epicdemiologist

At our house it was my dad & his "only 1 kind of jelly can be open at a time" and since we weren't well-off he bought HUGE jars of jelly. Grape for months.

When my middle sister grew up, the very first thing she did when she got her own place was buy 2 jars of jelly and open them both.

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in reply to epicdemiologist

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myrmepropagandist

@epicdemiologist

Yeah. My parents would only let me use like two of the scissors and hid the nice ones and wouldn't buy the scissors I wanted as a gift because "you have scissors" (even told other people not to get them for me since I had them already)

They came over one day and noticed that I have a big vase and it's full of every kind of scissor, every color and size...

"so, that really was a big deal I guess" my mom said ... I hadn't even really noticed the connection. But it WAS.

@epicdemiologist

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in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Stachelgarten

From paper, cardboard, foil, cables, and strings to pizza and so much more; straight, round, or jagged. Put your fingers in the recess; create, make something; cut, shorten something; or give it a new look. Scissors, so simple, so ingenious, and we humans have been using them as a universal tool since invention. It accompanies us throughout our lives, but many don't really notice. We should remember the simple things in our lives much more than any high-tech junk.
in reply to A Flock of Beagles

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myrmepropagandist

@burnitdown @epicdemiologist

They still make and sell them so they must be useful to some teachers.

therapro.com/Dual-Controlled-T…

Dual Control Teaching Scissors

Dual Control Teaching Scissors: Innovative double-loop design allows adults and children to simultaneously control cutting, enhancing skill development and confidence. Ideal for therapists, parents, and teachers.
www.therapro.com
@epicdemiologist @A Flock of Beagles
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

As far as I knew, there was only one pair of scissors ever in the house I grew up in. Finding them when they were needed a frequent source of drama, sturm, und drang.

It remains a thing of family legend how my sister, who was really into sewing, painstakingly saved up her babysitting money (allowances were not a thing in our household) until she could buy herself a pair of proper dressmaker's shears - and then my father, unable to locate the communal family scissors, took the dressmaker's shears out of my sister's sewing box and used them to cut fiberglass cloth.

I have a pair of scissors in every room of my house, two in the kitchen, three (each for a different purpose) in my own sewing box, and one more that lives in the box of gift wrap.

Shower your kids with scissors, folks.

This entry was edited (10 hours ago)

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in reply to *sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

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myrmepropagandist

@Gorfram @epicdemiologist

There were four pairs of scissors in our house and it always baffled me. There were more pens and pencils than you could count... there were many books and notebooks. But the idea of having more scissors just didn't compute for my parents.

I remember being at "SAM'S Club" as a tween and there was a set of like 8 cheap, but sharp scissors for 15 bucks, which was more in the 90s but not... "so much money"

IDK.

It was strange.

@*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn @epicdemiologist
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Alex@rtnVFRmedia Suffolk UK

@Gorfram @epicdemiologist

there was never any shortage of scissors in my family house, but my Dad (who always did a lot of DIY) would buy his own shears and cutting tools for any gnarly stuff (which in the 70s included aluminium mesh, used to patch up holes in the wing (fender) of his classic Mini van (these were prone to rust)

At work I get my own cutting tools rather than use the office scissors for unsuitable items (such as cable) but if I order them online whoever signs for the parcel gets carded (as its the law in my country). And you then need a pair of scissors, sidecutters or knife to open the packaging they are supplied in..

@*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn @epicdemiologist
in reply to *sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

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Alex@rtnVFRmedia Suffolk UK

@Gorfram @epicdemiologist

Anything with a point or blade - if its an in person purchase they take a look at you and if you look >18 and not like a wannabe gangster they don't bother to card you, but for mail order there's an electronic check on purchase (normally done via a credit reference agency as they can confirm you are >18) and another one when the package is delivered (as there was a problem with folk ordering large knives online they subsequently used in violent crimes)

@*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn @epicdemiologist
in reply to Alex@rtnVFRmedia Suffolk UK

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Daniel M. Reck

@vfrmedia Did I learn at some point that folding knives with lockblades are restricted in the UK because they could be used to cause harm?

Contrast to the US where pocket knives with lockblades are sold as a safety feature to prevent harm.

(Don't want the blade folding over on your fingers when you're getting all stabby, right?)

@Alex@rtnVFRmedia Suffolk UK
in reply to Daniel M. Reck

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Alex@rtnVFRmedia Suffolk UK

@DanielMReck they are not completely banned for sale, you just have to prove you are >18 when buying them and can't normally carry around larger knives in the street unless you have a good reason for doing so (such as for work). Only the knives listed below are banned outright.

If I'm carrying anything with points or blades in the car (and I do have valid reason to have them for work) they are in my kit bag or tool box (usually in the boot (trunk)) or the rear seat, this shows you aren't keeping them to use as a weapon during a road rage incident..

gov.uk/buying-carrying-knives

Selling, buying and carrying knives and weapons

The laws on selling, buying and carrying a knife or weapon depend on the type of knife or weapon, your age and your circumstances.
Government Digital Service (GOV.UK)
@Daniel M. Reck
in reply to *sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

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Nazo

@Gorfram @epicdemiologist Is your father ok? How much were the hospital bills? 😁

(Jokes aside, I sure wish scissors were easier to sharpen. You have to get the angle and everything just right and if they get a big nick in them I just don't even know how you fix that. I once accidentally cut a live cord and I had to throw the scissors away because the little melted chunk made them basically unusable.)

@*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn @epicdemiologist
in reply to Nazo

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*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

Thank you, and oops. I probably shouldn't have put you, and everyone else who reads that post, in that position.

It's one of those things that seems perfectly normal in the context of one's own family; but can be a little weird, or shocking, or appalling to everyone else.

Not to get too far into it, but my father was the kind of man who would use his daughter's hard-earned & much-prized dressmaker's shears to cut fiberglass cloth, rather than put himself to the trouble of finding or buying a more appropriate pair of scissors. That is not the only thing he ever did like that. He died six years ago; and I am well enough over the pain of his passing to sometimes talk about it in an insensitive way.

This entry was edited (10 hours ago)
in reply to *sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

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Nazo

@Gorfram @epicdemiologist Yeah, I understand. The context of your previous post was fairly clear (I'm bad at catching tone sometimes, but I was pretty sure of it) but I was afraid if I played along it would be maybe going too far. Really, it's a good thing that you can talk about it like that.
@*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn @epicdemiologist
in reply to The Human Capybara

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*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

@aSweetGentleman @epicdemiologist
I was thinking about scissors-related folklore.

There's a Chinese superstition that dropping a pair of scissors brings bad luck. In "The Joy Luck Club," someone knocks over a whole table stacked with scissors; and her luck promptly goes straight to hell.

An Irish superstition holds that, if someone gives you a blade as a gift, you must give them a coin (at least a small one); or else the friendship might be cut short. (That's just a blade, though - I suppose for scissors, you'd have to give them two coins.)

In Greek/Roman mythology, the third of The Three Sisters of Fate cuts the thread representing a person's life - with, of course, scissors.

@epicdemiologist @The Human Capybara

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in reply to Franchesca

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*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

TMI in answer to your question [includes amateur psychiatric diagnoses, parental/custody dispute kidnapping, emotional abuse of a child (not me)]{also, long as fuck, has swears}

Sensitive content

@epicdemiologist @Franchesca
in reply to Franchesca

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epicdemiologist

@Frantasaur @Gorfram I mean, in my parents' case I'm pretty sure the Depression had a lot to do with it. They'd seen first-hand how economic security can vanish overnight, and it made them very cautious with money. They did provide well for us (all 4 of us graduated from college debt-free), which is huge compared to issues like jelly and orange juice!
@*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn @Franchesca
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Graydon

Western multi-tools have doubtful scissors and people question Swiss Army Knives because their scissors are functional. East Asian multi-tools have more variety, larger, and much more effective scissor setups including on-the-same-scale-as-the-pliers scissors.

I can only conclude that scissors are femme-coded and that it is thus wrong to treat them like they're important.

Which is supported by the use of "shears" for anything in a trade; tailor's, pattern, etc.

@epicdemiologist

@epicdemiologist

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epicdemiologist

My equivalent was when I got to college and was on the meal plan, and I could have orange juice every single day. (We had apple juice at home. OJ was too expensive.) How we could afford college tuition but not orange juice I have no idea. (This was in the late 70s. My parents married in 1937 so definitely the Great Depression left its mark.)
in reply to epicdemiologist

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NilaJones

@epicdemiologist
For me it's blankets. We didn't have heat in the bedroom when I was a kid, and it was a cold climate. And we each only had one blanket

When I got on of my own as a young adult, I accumulated so many blankets from the thrift store! I have since given some away homeless folks, but I still have more blankets than I use at one time

@epicdemiologist
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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MooMoo the Cat

This is not how I was raised (2 siblings) but my former husband said he and his siblings (2) would wait until his mother finished unloading the groceries then hide the Little Debbie snack cakes from each other to prevent the other siblings from getting any. And no one stopped or reported the behavior.

Once I heard that, I understood a lot of the petty behavior from some in that family.
My memories around food (because we were poor) was that we all cared that everyone got enough.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Daniel Lakeland

Its called resource guarding in dogs, and it is generally caused or made worse by resource scarcity or a tendency of the other participants to snipe resources or gobble them quickly. my wife sometimes divides things and makes a separate piece for herself. my kids rarely do it. we are very resource secure. and if my kids want something they usually can have it, there isn't much gate keeping etc. every so often I wish my older son would leave me a few oranges though.
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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JNL

My best guess is that this comes down to either what one saw modeled by caregivers in terms of "how we do fair allocation," or what one dearly wishes they had seen modeled. I grew up in a family that definitely would be considered resource scarce by my spouse's family or our current family standards, but nothing like this ever happened nor would it occur to me. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe I should do something like this NOW because actually people eat my stuff all the time in my present household. Maybe it's gendered? I am the sole female living with three man-type humans.
in reply to JNL

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Sam Levine

@jnl My parents either split things themselves or had us do it and the splitter had to take what was left after the others chose, so being "fair" about stuff like food was standard from an early age?

FWIW I have two siblings, one two years younger and one four years younger, so close enough that we certainly fought over plenty of things, but "who ate all my cheese" wasn't really one of them. To the point that a common shout from the kitchen was "I'm eating the last of X, unless anyone else wants some" throughout our teenage years.

@JNL
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Sean Kleefeld

We didn't have many things that got divvied like that, but it definitely did happen. Egg nog was caused the most fights. Mom eventually resorted to buying a carton for each of us each year and put our names on them. Once the one with your name on it was gone, that was it until next year.

And of course we had to mark the sides of the cartons with the level of egg nog so they couldn't pour some of yours into their container.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

pleroma - Link to source

La pantera roja 🇵🇸

That was my life basically between 1987 and 1996.

My brother (three and a half years younger than me) would demand to divide everything exactly by half. If the operation failed, he would request, in the strongest possible terms, to have the bigger portion of whatever petty stuff we had.

Once, when I was 12 and he was 9, our parents gave us a bag full of candy. He spent an entire hour counting them one by one. There was an odd number, so he grabbed a knife and split it in half. And that was just one of many, many, many, times he would go really out of his way to make sure I wouldn't give even a teeny tiny pinch more than him.

Not sure if traumatized. But exasperated? Yes.

This entry was edited (18 hours ago)
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Log 🪵

My human porter at some point bought two identical "good scissors", and their spouse claimed them both. It wasn't even some kind of stewardship or organization thing. It was just a silent usurpation of all property interest. So they then bought dozens of identical cheap scissors, and planned for sad-cutting and tool-attrition.

Porter and spouse are each the youngest of their siblings. This might not be a "has siblings" thing, but "how awful were your siblings to you" thing.

in reply to A Flock of Beagles

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Log 🪵

@burnitdown It is more of a disagreement about where they should be sought when something needs cutting, and how close to hand that place might be. It would likely not be an issue if they had a wall plaque where the good scissors could be prominently displayed and easily accessed, engraved with the words "THE GOOD SCISSORS". Both have a tendency to misplace important items, and immediately forget where they were mislaid.
@A Flock of Beagles
in reply to myrmepropagandist

mastodon - Link to source

*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn

Oh, hell, yeah.

I'm a little more talky about it. Do you merely really like the cheese; while I really, really, *really* like the cheese? -- I'm gonna negotiate for more of the cheese. Are the crackers the cracker equivalent of catnip to you, but "I mean, they're nice" to me? -- You're gonna get some cracker concessions. Etc.

FTR, I have three siblings, two of them older than me.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Nazo

My sister and I definitely fought off and on over the years. I remember one big thing we fought over that made the parents really go nuts was one of the cats. We wanted to hog him, lol. Another was consoles — in particular a Playstation (1) system. My sister demanded it was her turn to have it for a while once while I had been installing an, uh, chip to fix it. (Yeah, to fix it.) It was in pieces and my parents were like "no, give it to her right now" so I didn't even have time to get it all together again right and a ribbon cable got broken during the transfer.

I don't remember much about fighting over food, but I do think we did once or twice have occasion to get upset if either thought the other was getting more. It was rare, but not never.

in reply to myrmepropagandist

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Jennifer Moore 😷

I think I have traces of this kind of thinking. We were never food-insecure, but there was kind of "health-motivated rationing" on sweets/ cakes/ biscuits, so I grew up with a scarcity mindset about those.

There's a book called "Siblings without rivalry" which is good on sibling dynamics in general. Faber & Mazlish, same people as "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk".

#siblings #books

#books #siblings
in reply to myrmepropagandist

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ersatzmaus

Was meeting up with my sister and some friends.

Someone commented that we both ate fast, and she said she didn't know why.

"It's because you had to finish first to guarantee you'd get seconds."

"Oh, so you're the reason I eat fast."

"Excuse me, I was already there - you're the reason _I_ eat fast."

The other people there turned out to ghave been only children.

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