April 10, 2026
Vatican City (dpo) – Following reports that U.S. officials threatened the Vatican unless the Catholic Church aligned itself with the military tactics of the Trump administration, the tiny city-state appears to be rethinking its national security strategy. In a brief statement today, Pope Leo XIV announced the immediate launch of a uranium enrichment program.
The Pontiff did not provide a reason for the move, but observers speculate that the Catholic Church aims to develop its own nuclear weapon to deter military threats. As neither a NATO nor EU member, the Vatican currently lacks protection under a nuclear umbrella.
"Vatican scientists are highly competent and well-equipped, and the Holy See’s financial resources are excellent," explains Vatican expert Claude Vacek. "It’s likely that the first nuclear test could take place within months in a remote corner of St. Peter’s Square—perhaps near the souvenir kiosk."
The U.S. has yet to officially respond to the Vatican’s nuclear ambitions, but diplomatic tensions—or even military conflict—are seen as increasingly probable. "If they manage to complete the bomb before U.S. intervention," Vacek speculates, "Vatican strategists will probably portray the Pope as an unpredictable madman in the style of Kim Jong-un to maximize deterrence against Washington."
At the time of publication, intensive excavation and construction work had already begun in the Vatican Gardens, presumably to hastily build underground nuclear facilities. A Vatican spokesperson, when asked, dismissed the activity as "rose garden renovations.

Translated from an article by Der Postillion:
der-postillon.com/2026/04/vati…