During my digital cleanse, which took quite a while, Some websites were... less than helpful when it came either to choosing to delete my account or just change the associated email on them. So here are some of the more annoying ones and my experiences, because people should know how they work. Note some of these I had a while ago and just no longer used, I wasn't currently active on the sites.

1. swap.com - cannot change the email on the account, so I deleted it.
2. wigs.com - refused to change my email or delete the account, so I changed the info to a bullshit address.
3. Razer, as in my nice headset for my computer - sad because they're quality products, but I deleted them because they refused to accept a secure protonmail email address. Fuck them.
4. squareup - refused to delete or even deactivate my account, so I changed the email to some bullshit.
5. Sonic, the drive-in fast food place - says you can't change the email on an account, the contact us page doesn't work and there's no other way to contact them anywhere. abandoned.
6. babbel.com - deleted account because no way to change the email.
7. tandem.net - login didn't work, contact us link just goes to a forum you can't use unless you log in, no other way to contact them. abandoned.
8. eyemart express (glasses and eye exams) - do not allow email changes, had to delete account.
9. 24petwatch.com (pet insurance) - I could not delete my account for a cat I used to have until I bought a new membership (??) to the site, so I still have to call their toll free number and get him marked as deceased. FFS.

There is no excuse for this level of incompetence and complexity. Even though the glasses site has to by law keep records because exams are healthcare, there is no reason any of these should refuse to allow me to change my email. poor customer service will lose my business every time.

So, I'm generally super pleased with my VPN. I deeply appreciate the security and privacy it gives me, especially in these frightening times. But I have learned some things that nobody tells you when you get one and start using it.

If the internet now thinks your computer exists in another country:

1. Some sites you shop at will change the currency use on the site to the country your VPN says you're in. If it's a country that also uses their version of "dollars", you might not notice the difference until you've just hit that pay now button. Make sure you aren't paying more due to currency conversion rates when you don't have to.
2. You may see significant streaming service differences. Lots of people know that having a VPN set to a different country lets you see things you might otherwise not get on Netflix, but it applies to a lot of streaming things, even net radio stations and Youtube.
3. Website content may differ as well. If you still need relevant content, you may have to specifically choose certain sites.
4. Some sites may not even load. If I have my VPN set to any country other than the USA, I literally cannot load my local grocery store's website OR sensitive things like my bank or my pharmacy website. At all. I get the pharmacy stuff, but why would a grocery store give a shit if someone in another country can see grapes are on sale this week?

In general, VPNs are great things. But you absolutely have to pay attention to your internet activity and how it's affected once you have the VPN in place.

Stay tuned for a listing of websites that have given me a hassle over changing my email or deleting accounts.

So, I went looking on the web for the full wording of one of my favorite quotes by Audre Lorde. Of course, google sent me to goodreads first. And... I noticed something. People posted the quote multiple times, but they left out an important part. They'd quote the first part, or the second half of the second part. But they left off the part where she mentions she's lesbian. The quoted either stopped after "still in silence", or only started at "because I am myself" as if that was the start of the sentence. It's not, and it's bullshit the cowards didn't include it, because it's important too.

So, fuck that erasure, here's the quote in FULL:

"What are the words you do not yet have? What do you need to say? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence?

Perhaps for some of you here today, I am the face of one of your fears. Because I am woman, because I am Black, because I am lesbian, because I am myself — a Black woman warrior poet doing my work — come to ask you, are you doing yours?"

Here are some personal things people can do to protect themselves a little further, find ways to stay positive, and resist on a personal level. Feel free to comment if you have more constructive suggestions.

VPN -
Get a VPN. this is a way to protect your privacy further on your computer, phone, etc. It basically hides your computer's "address" by going through servers in other countries. You sign up for an account, download a little program, log in and let it stay on. NordVPN is the most extensive and the smallest plan is $3 (USD) something a month, and you can buy 2 years worth right now. Surfshark is popular and even cheaper. (it also has a benefit of changing locations of certain services, like letting you see what someone in the UK sees on Netflix you don't, for example) If you really can't afford this, they have browser extensions that at least let you browse privately, but only for Edge, Google, and Firefox. I got the full system VPN because I use a different browser. Please note that there are free ones, but you shouldn't get them as they track you and log sites you visit, which is part of why you don't want this in the first place. They have to make money somehow, and if they're not getting it from you, your data is the next available thing.

Services -
If you want a free, private, encrypted email address, zohomail, proton.me or mailfence.com are some of the best. I've heard the first can be a little slow, but it's your choice. There are several articles out there that compare features for you.

Opera is a great browser that isn't bloated with memory hog issues and is very private. Some company work programs don't like it, but the only issue I've ever had with it was when a therapist's video remote software their work made them use instead of Zoom wouldn't work in it. Firefox is a second best choice. No matter what, make sure to learn how to clean out cache and cookies regularly. It'll improve your performance, if nothing else.

Storygraph.app is the alternative to Goodreads. (Which is owned by Amazon) Started by a woman of color and you can export all your Goodreads stuff into it. I love it and am doing some reading challenges there. The recommendation quiz is spot-on, in my opinion.

BlueSky (bsky.app) is the very liberal, much more positive and supportive alternative to Shitter. it has a great ability to filter whatever words you want it to so you never see certain things, and it's easy as hell to block someone.

pixelfed.social is the decentralized version of Instagram.

I don't use it, but people recommend Signal as an alternative to Whatsapp, which is owned by Meta. Signal is totally encrypted end-to-end if you need a messaging app. I never used Whatsapp, but that's just me.

All browsers use extensions (well, windows ones I know of). Get Ublock Origin and AdBlock for Youtube to stop being tracked and stop seeing so many damned ads. All ads track you these days.

Get a library card, even if you never use it. Vote for libraries, they're one of the few free safe spaces in many places. Request books from BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ and disabled authors. If they get enough requests, they will buy the books and those authors DO get royalties. Request audio and e-books for accessibility. Libraries are also a bastion against censorship wherever they can be. They also have a huge digital selection of resources through things like Hoopla, Libby, or Overdrive and interlibrary loan can get you nearly anything. Universities also have connected libraries you can borrow things on using that. Also check out Little Libraries, the boxes in neighborhoods where people drop off and take books for free.

If you still want to buy actual new and/or used books, Thriftbooks is great. I use Better World Books, who are also environmentally conscious. You probably won't get that "here in 2 days or less", but patience shouldn't take precedence over morals. There are a TON of fantastic indie authors who sell through itch.io for e-books, and they don't have DRM bullshit AND the authors get far more royalties than many big places.

Use ALT text on all images you post. Don't repost images that don't have it. And, something I recently learned, use the ALT text because people who are vision-impaired also might be muting certain political and other terms and if that's in ALT-text, it'll mute and they won't have to see OR hear that crap.

Take care of yourself. If you need to turn off the news or not look at that news feed, or even train BlueSky to make your algorithm mostly show you pictures of baby possums and kitties, that is perfectly fine. If you need to go out and get that coffee and donut, DO IT. (or whatever treat works for you.) Check a book, or movie, or e-book, or audio book (amazon owns audible, alas) out of the library. Cuddle your pet, wear the warm fuzzy socks, play the video game. You're worth taking care of, and you deserve good things.