Ow my..... I'm already an emotional wreck. I try to keep thinking positive, to keep focus on the good times that we may still be able to share... But that little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that "this may be the last time that...". And I *know* I should not go there... But I'm just so scared of losing her... 💔
And now, slowly, some support is coming in. and every notification brings me to tears... partially sad tears because I know the time is running out... Also, partially happy tears , because people
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Ow my..... I'm already an emotional wreck. I try to keep thinking positive, to keep focus on the good times that we may still be able to share... But that little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that "this may be the last time that...". And I *know* I should not go there... But I'm just so scared of losing her... 💔
And now, slowly, some support is coming in. and every notification brings me to tears... partially sad tears because I know the time is running out... Also, partially happy tears , because people care for me and Arwen. People think we're important enough to get this support... However sad the reasons may be...
I can never thank you with my words. I feel they will always be insufficient... If that makes sense...
But we're at €290/€400 now, and it means that I, hopefully, will be able to bring her back home, after her soul has crossed the 🌈 bridge...
As I mentioned in the update on GoFundMe, it would be amazing is we could raise enough to also make a start for the costs for the ash-pendant. But... Getting her the private cremation and urn, and taking her home, those will be most pressing, once she's passed... When I've got the ashes, I can save for the ash-pendant to wear her close to my heart forever....
Thanks ever so much for all your support! Arwen and I really appreciate all you do for us...
I'll try to keep sharing all the Arwen pics I can, both here and on Pixelfed. Because she is worth it...
Arwen is still alive as I start this fundraiser. But she's really struggling with her hea… Cynthia De Ruiter needs your support for Arwen - cremation and urn
TL;DR: OP's beloved dog Arwen is dying, and a GoFundMe campaign to cover cremation and ash-pendant costs is gaining traction. OP is heartbroken but grateful for the support.
The image features a person wearing a black jacket with a reflective green safety vest, a headlamp, and headphones. The person is smiling and leaning towards a large chocolate Labrador Retriever. The dog is looking directly at the camera with its mouth open, showing its tongue, and appears happy. The background is dark, suggesting it might be nighttime or in a low-light environment. The person's glasses reflect light, and the headlamp is turned on, illuminating the scene. The dog's eyes are reflecting the light, giving them a glowing appearance. The person is holding the dog's collar with one hand.
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It isn't fair that dogs have to go so soon. I chipped in just a little. Hang in there. The best news is that she appreciates life with you and what you are doing for her. 🙏
@masayuki60 Thank you! 🤗 I saw the message and sent a little thank you message back. I really appreciate it 💜 Yeah, we know that they don't live as long as we'd love them to... She's almost 12, and she's been through a lot... But she never lost her spirit and she's still trying to enjoy life now. So I try to spoil her even more, as she fully deserves it. 🌹
Your dog is in your life for a short time, but you are in your dog's life for her entire lifetime. Take comfort in knowing that you did right by her and that you are her world. It's obvious in the photos that she loves you so much.
@raineyday Fankoos 😢 I hope I did alright. I always feel like I should have done better, more, and all that.... I know I've always done my best, but it often feels like it wasn't good enough... But she sure is loved, and I know she's always been there for me... Thank you 🐾 💜
Sorry I'm not here that much, and when I am, it's mostly to boost things...
I've been struggling a lot and it's no fun... Health issues for Arwen, my mum, and myself...
I have many nightmares, I get less sleep, and while I try to keep going, I feel so damned tired lots of the time... 😔
But... Not giving up!
Did something scary, and asked for help again... I hate that... 😔 But I know I will hate myself even more if I don't try... I need to get Arwen home, after the hardest thing has happened... 🌈
Not yet though, she's still tryjng to live and love. And I'll do my best to see the signs when the joy has gone. No suffering for her, just because I don't want to say goodbye... 😢
So yeah, hard times... Difficult times... But I need to keep going. Things will get worse, heart will be broken, but I'll always have the memories we've made...
Sorry I'm not here that much, and when I am, it's mostly to boost things...
I've been struggling a lot and it's no fun... Health issues for Arwen, my mum, and myself...
I have many nightmares, I get less sleep, and while I try to keep going, I feel so damned tired lots of the time... 😔
But... Not giving up!
Did something scary, and asked for help again... I hate that... 😔 But I know I will hate myself even more if I don't try... I need to get Arwen home, after the hardest thing has happened... 🌈
Not yet though, she's still tryjng to live and love. And I'll do my best to see the signs when the joy has gone. No suffering for her, just because I don't want to say goodbye... 😢
So yeah, hard times... Difficult times... But I need to keep going. Things will get worse, heart will be broken, but I'll always have the memories we've made...
For those of you who follow my "journey" account, you may have seen about my recent worries and struggles concerning Arwen's health. I don't like asking help, especially financial help. But I don't know how much time I will have left with Arwen. And, when that time ends, I would like to be "prepared" to be able to take her home. But... That costs money... My savings went to the move last year, and then to Arwen's healthcare. Six months ago, I already asked for financial help. And I *hate* asking again. But it could help me to relax a wee bit, if I'd know that I had the funds to "take Arwen home", after her journey with me has come to an end... 🌈
I wrot
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Ello sweet gaming Friendos
For those of you who follow my "journey" account, you may have seen about my recent worries and struggles concerning Arwen's health. I don't like asking help, especially financial help. But I don't know how much time I will have left with Arwen. And, when that time ends, I would like to be "prepared" to be able to take her home. But... That costs money... My savings went to the move last year, and then to Arwen's healthcare. Six months ago, I already asked for financial help. And I *hate* asking again. But it could help me to relax a wee bit, if I'd know that I had the funds to "take Arwen home", after her journey with me has come to an end... 🌈
I recently wrote another blog post about the journey I've been on with Arwen, which can be found here: cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/…
I'm really sorry to be asking for help again. The direct link to the GoFundMe is here: gofundme.com/f/AlwaysArwen
Thank you to all that are willing and able to help! I'll never be able to repay everyone, but I'll do my best paying it forward with offering all my help and support when I can, should others need it...
Boosts are appreciated. Support is super welcome.
Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in this quest to give the journey with Arwen a comforting ending.
Edit with pupdate: Current goal completion 💯 Edited goal to €675, to include the ash-pendant... Thanks so much for helping us reach the original goal of €400! It's so good, knowing I will be able to take Arwen home, after her soul has crossed the 🌈 bridge... I've upped the goal to include the ash-pendant that I'd love to get as well. I know it's extra and not the main necessity. The cremation and urn were the most important, and thanks to you, we made it! I know the pendant is extra (and expensive), so don't feel bad if we can't make that goal meet. But every bit helps tremendously, as it would mean I could have Arwen with me sooner rather than later. 💜 Thanks ever so much for all your support! it really means a lot that you're all so kind and generous to someone who is basically an internet stranger (and her cute old sweetheart).
*Original message:* It pains me to do this... 😢 Arwen is still with me... But I fear her time is slowly (or quickly, depending how you look at it) running out. When she passes, I'll need to make arrangements for her. I want her to be cremated individually, so that I can have her ashes in an urn. And use some of the ashes for a pendant...
So, I know it's early, but here I am sharing the GoFundMe for Arwen's cremation, urn, and possibly the pendant.
I'm so sorry to ask for help with this. But I'm at a loss of how to get the funds in any other way, and I would like to be able to get everything sorted once she's passed the rainbow 🌈 bridge.
She just means the world to me. She's seen me at my best and my worst, and she never stopped believing in me. She's the reason I'm still around, she really saved me when the days were darker than a starless night... I owe her...
Fankoos in advance. I know I could never repay all the kindness shown here to me.
Arwen is still alive as I start this fundraiser. But she's really struggling with her hea… Cynthia De Ruiter needs your support for Arwen - cremation and urn
TL;DR: OP's pet Arwen is very sick, and OP needs financial help to cover Arwen's end-of-life care. They've provided links to a blog post, a Toot, and a GoFundMe.
TL;DR: PlaystationPixy's terminally ill pet, Arwen, needs end-of-life care (cremation, urn, ash pendant). They've started a GoFundMe to cover the costs.
As some of you, who follow my journey account, may know... I am struggling...
Arwen is doing more poorly, and there's many tears and worries, and bad nights...
It's also affecting my eating. Sometimes I feel hungry but I'm not interested in food... Other times I don't feel hungry but I get the urge to eat something...
It's weird... I try to keep an eye out that I will eat properly. I rarely eat too little, so that's no real thing for me... But I have to be careful not to overdo it when I feel the need for comfort food.
I'm also upset that I've started a new GoFundMe, to help me with upcoming costs... It breaks me to ask for financial help again, so I guess that's also interfering with my hunger, emotions, sleep, and mood...
Thank you to all that support me! 💜 I greatly appreciate it
A journey with big changes lays behind me. I've reached my destination, which I hope will be my last one. Or at least one for a long time to come... The journey isn't over yet, but part of the traveling is. Now, I'm in place and I need to make things bett
A journey with big changes lays behind me. I’ve reached my destination, which I hope will be my last one. Or at least one for a long time to come… The journey isn’t over yet, but part of the traveling is. Now, I’m in place and I need to make things better as I stay a while…
Of course I’m talking about the move that happened last year. In December 2023, I got about 22 hours to decide if I wanted to accept a (rental) house, that I never thought to have a chance with. On July 1st I got the keys. The weekend of 13/14 July, sweet friends helped me a shitload! 😉 As they helped me move most of my things from Cuijk to Herpen. And… That’s where I am now. But…
Was it worth it? 🤔
Everybody that has moved houses before knows how stressful such a situation may be. It can be even more challenging when it’s “just you” that needs to make all the arrangements. When there’s no partner that can support and take over. I wasn’t really planning on moving, as I figured I nev
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A journey with big changes lays behind me. I’ve reached my destination, which I hope will be my last one. Or at least one for a long time to come… The journey isn’t over yet, but part of the traveling is. Now, I’m in place and I need to make things better as I stay a while…
Of course I’m talking about the move that happened last year. In December 2023, I got about 22 hours to decide if I wanted to accept a (rental) house, that I never thought to have a chance with. On July 1st I got the keys. The weekend of 13/14 July, sweet friends helped me a shitload! 😉 As they helped me move most of my things from Cuijk to Herpen. And… That’s where I am now. But…
Was it worth it? 🤔
Everybody that has moved houses before knows how stressful such a situation may be. It can be even more challenging when it’s “just you” that needs to make all the arrangements. When there’s no partner that can support and take over. I wasn’t really planning on moving, as I figured I never would be offered one. I just wanted to see “how far I would get”. Well, all the way, apparently. 😂
Moving to another town, in another municipality, to a place I didn’t really know… It scared the bajeezus out of me…
Those that have been following the blog since then, they may remember the stress, anxiety, and all that, that I was dealing with. Making lists, trying to arrange everything, trying to remember all the important things…
The move itself went rather well. It wasn’t the best weather, but my friends did an awesome job, and I tried to help as much as my overwhelmed brain was allowing me.
Things in the house didn’t all go as planned. Some may remember how hopeless I felt during the whole skirting boards saga? 😉 Triggered…
Slowly, I tried to adjust. I tried to make my house a home. To sort through the boxes and mess. To build a new routine. To give things places in the house and hope that it would work out…
The house is a long way from ready, as there is a lot to do, and there’s mostly just me… And my energy and financial means. But I plan to stay there for quite some time to come, so hopefully I can slowly make the house better and better as time passes by… 😊
It’s been about 9½ months now. I’ve gotten a routine, sort of… I know more things in the neighborhood. I have some very good contact with some of the neighbors. And now, my brain was just wondering…
All that stress of the move, of the preparations, of the arrangements, of the changes in the daily life… Was it worth it? Did it improve my well-being? Did it change things in a positive way?
And, at the moment, my brain is leaning to the answer of “Yes!”.
Especially knowing now that I need another hip surgery. Knowing that I don’t need to hobble up the stairs every time I wanna take Arwen out. Knowing there is some decent space for my mum, should she want to stay over for a while. I wanted to move out of the apartment due to several reasons, one being the stairs for Arwen. But now, it also seems that having no stairs (except for the upper floor, but everything is downstairs, like the bedroom and bathroom) is beneficial to me as well. 😊
I will love having the gardens, but at the moment I’m just annoyed by them… The area were in used to be a big field full of weeds. The building coop didn’t really do anything with the gardens, so after I’ve worked so many hours to get the weeds out… It just took some days and some rain for them to be back in no time! I know… I need the special cloths that prevent the weeds from growing again, and they’re bookmarked on my “things I still need” shopping list. So for now, my gardens are messy and full of weeds, and I really hate that… 😔
The first few months in the house, the humidity was awful! It was way too high, and it didn’t help that it was rather high outside as well. Some things got very molded or rusted… Which was a big bummer… And it was hard to deal with during bed time. My parents lend me a small dehumidifier, and that finally helped me to sleep better, as the bed was just so humid and icky…
Slowly the house started to dry, even to the extreme at times, as my humidity sensor sometimes goes as low as 28%, while it was around 75-85% when I moved in… But that also means some cracks are forming, that will need to be fixed once the house is done with the “setting in”.
There is still loads to do. But, many things need either money or help, or a good day where my motivation is present… And with my leg being annoying as it is now, it’s even harder to find that motivation.
Some days I wish I would be gifted a shitload of money, excuse the language, and then I’d be able to hire some handy folks to do all the chores for me…
As mentioned, the gardens need some work, and I want to make some changes in the back one. The upstairs rooms, hallway, and stairway all need to be painted. But the house is incredibly high! And I tried working with a telescope paint roller, but my hands and shoulders were not really capable of it… When the stairway is done (some day), I’d like to have the staircase sanded and painted properly… And, should I really win a big jackpot, then I would not mind if someone would re-paint everything downstairs. As I did my best, but it’s not really that great, unfortunately…
But I don’t think anyone will hand me over some wads of cash anytime soon, so I’ll just have to make due with what I have, and then slowly work through the list of chores. Maybe some friends will be kind enough to help me then… 😇
Still… Even thought there is loads that still needs to be done… It’s OK enough for now. We have a little house, we’re warm and dry, we have comforts and safety. There is food, drink, and means to relaxation. There are nice places to walk with Arwen, and even treat her to some swimming. 💦 The gym is further than I was used to, most stores need a little drive as well. But, I’m blessed to have Skoosh, and she’s been taking me to all these places. 😊
I do hope that it won’t take me too long to make the house even more of a home. I hope that some friends will be so sweet to lend me their help, and spend their time with me, to make the house even better. I know it’s a rental place so it will never be “my own”. But with the way the Dutch laws are, I should be able to grow even older than I am now, in the new place. 😇
It was a challenge! It was super hard on me, and I dealt with some depression and autistic burnout, which caused my eating disorder to roar again, so now I need to focus on my weight again (which isn’t really making much progress… 😔). But… I have time. I need to have patience. I have to find the end of a rainbow so I can find a bucket full of gold so that I have more funds… 😉 But it was all definitely worth it…
To be continued… 💜
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below, or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. You can also comment when you see this post as a Toot on the Fediverse, and I’ll be notified of that as well. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother with that…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
The image features a person and a chocolate Labrador Retriever. The dog is positioned on the left side of the image, with its mouth open and tongue out, appearing happy and relaxed.
I’ve been living between boxes for many months. But, while in the apartment, they were organized in a way, and I still had access to stuffs that I used. When everything got moved, I lost all sense of organisation… I tried to sort through them afterwards, but it was hard to deal with the mess I was in.
I had expected the floors and skirting boards to be done before the move. So then I could start arranging my house in the way I wanted it to be. But, as some of you who’ve followed the of know, the skirting boards became aong lasting saga, which I dubbed the SB-saga on Mastodon. They should have been done on the 12th of July. But the one who was gonna fix it all, and finish it all, wasn’t set to come on… The 30th…. Ugh…
Warning: long text, cause I was really annoyed with the whole situation… And it shows in the text… Sorry… Had to vent it…
So… That meant I was in a mess for over two weeks! Some boards that had been done were on top tight, something I warned the asshat worker for (don’t worry Missy, I know what I’m doing). So instead of just needing it to be finished, several boards needed repairs as well. Meaning I could do even less, as those boards needed to be accessible…
I had to put some things in front of those boards to be able to live a bit during those 2½ weeks. So that meant, having to try and make space for the worker when he finally came….
Those two long weeks, I had not been able to do a lot of unpacking and arranging. I was able to do some in the PC/gym room, for which I was very grateful. As it felt good to unpack and to arrange things in their new way. Cleaning out boxes, getting a little less messy, getting a bit more space… I loved it!
And that made me hate the situation I was in even more! I had warned the asshat for the high humidity. I told him it was a new house, that it was very humid due to the ventilation being off, and due to the weather being wet and awful. But be patronized me. He was more occupied with his phone than with doing the work properly. With taking breaks. With starting a bit in every room but not finishing any room completely…. 😔
I learned that they wanted to send the same asshat to finish later on. I definitely wasn’t having that! Which was a reason I had to wait longer, because it was a holiday season and the decent workers (according to the guy on the phone) were either booked or in vacation. But I’d rather wait than have to allow that patronizing asshat back into my house! I did not feel comfortable around him at all!
Edited AI image of a Pixy and a chocolate brown Labrador with greying snout, sitting on a couch together, waiting… Text on the image says “Waiting…”.
So I had to wait for two weeks. During those weeks, more of the big skirting boards came loose due to the humidity. After a while, they finally fixed the ventilation unit. And, my parents remembered they had a small dehumidifier, so I used that whenever I could to get the house into a better climate. But in the end many boards had some loose. Some were just slightly bent, but still attached to the walls, so I hoped that by getting the humidity out more, they would be OK. But the ones that really bent all the way and came loose… They definitely needed to be fixed.
I was hoping that the man would be very friendly (and hopefully also understanding), and that he could start with the boards behind Arwen’s bench and the TV cabinet. Also, the ones next to the kitchen, which was the same wall as the others. If he could start with those, then I could fix the living room again while he was working in the test of the it’s that still needed to be done and fixed.
I had tried to sort as many boxes as I could. So that I could start unpacking them as soon as possible. The mess triggered me. Not being able to have my stuff in cabinets triggered me. Not knowing where stuff was triggered me… I had known that it would take time to get order in the house. To find new spots for the old things. To get new things to adjust the old things to the new situation. I knew it would take time, as well as money, to make the house a home. But…
I had hoped to have more cabinets in their place now. And, with them in place, I could check where I’d like my shelves to come. So dad and I could hang those as well, and then I could proceed with putting my stuff on them… Of course the ventilation not working, with the bad weather and high humidity outside, didn’t help the situation get any better. So I was very grateful for the small dehumidifier, as it really did it’s best to suck out loads of humidity… 😊 But, it was too late for the skirting boards.
All these came loose and they’re all bent… 😔
And then, the 30th came. I prepared everything in the living room, kitchen and bedroom. I made sure they would have as much space as I could offer. And then, 20 minutes before the arrival estimate, my phone rang… Yup… 😭 The van has broken down and needed a tow and they could not come to me! 😵 I got soooooo frustrated and angry that I started to cry! I was so done with it all… This was supposed to be the day where they would finally finish this and be done with it. And now… It was not! I had gone through all the trouble, I had waited so long and now this…
I was so upset. And I knew that car trouble could happen, heck it happened to Skoosh twice this last month… But I had worked so hard to create the space. I had waited so long for them to come and fix (and hopefully finish) it. I was ready to make the house a home, and I could do more of that once the boards were done. I could place more cupboards, I could unpack stuff into those cupboards, I could finally set up the new TV and all… But… Nope…
I had a long talk, I exchanged some emails and then they promised me that it would all be fixed and finished this Friday. So, three weeks after it should have been finished…. I really wanted to believe it. I really was eager to get to work that weekend and get stuff done! But, I was weary… I didn’t replace everything, just the things that were in the way. Life had been messy for so long, what’s a little more mess added to that for a few days???
So, more impatient waiting and on Thursday, they let me know the times for the Friday…
They let me know the worker would come in the afternoon. So I was just hoping there would be enough time for him to finish it all. But then, Friday morning, I got an unexpected call. Anxious (I hate calls!) I decided to pick up and… It was good news! 😁 The worker was done earlier at the other location and he was on his way to mine! So I quickly had to get everything in order!
Out with the bent ones… New ones in place!
The gentleman was kind, professional, very good at what he did and… He was fast! He really enjoyed his work and that showed. Within a few hours, he was finishing up and it looked great! I felt such joy and relief. Now… It was finally done…
I thanked him loads, even threw in a bar of chocolate, as I was so happy! After I cleaned everything up and started to get the stuff back in their places… I got a big itch! I really wanted to unpack that biiig box with that beautiful shiny object in it.
I had about an hour before bed so… I got to work! I was hoping I could manage alone, as this one was just a wee bit bigger and heavier than the old one. I was scared a few times that I could not do it, that I’d drop it… But, my hands worked properly and I was definitely strong enough. So… Yay! I installed the TV, added my apps and the next day… I’d hook it up to all my other multimedia stuffs. Finally I could start to unpack more!
It’s sooooo awesome! 🤩
Upstairs was done too. So, if I have more time and energy, I’ll definitely start the work there too! So eager to finally make the house more of a home. To unpack things and get rid of the mess… 😊 So very grateful for Joop, the guy who saved and ended the SB-saga. 🌸
Sooooo, after a loooong three weeks… This part of the journey has come to an end. And, I for one, am very happy about that!
Hopefully, this won’t be continued… 😉
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
#Journal of a slightly emotional Dutch Pixy 🧚🏼♀️ (Monday, 14/04/2025).
I woke before the alarm, and it was still early, as it was a little of an hour before the alarm was set to go off. But I had some weird dreams and I was awake, so I just started my day... The scale wasn't too bad, which was nice. I got dressed, took my meds, prepped Arwen's food, and I took her out. She did what she had to to, and then was eager to head back in, as it was food time. When she was happily eating, I got my bag, said goodbye, and headed to the gym.
I caught up with the social media bits while I enjoyed my protein shake and while I was waiting for the meds to kick in... I started a GoFundMe for then the hardest time of my life will come, and I'll need funds to make sure that I can take Arwen home again... 😢 (gofundme.com/f/AlwaysArwen). It was hard to do, but I know that I'll need the help and it
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#Journal of a slightly emotional Dutch Pixy 🧚🏼♀️ (Monday, 14/04/2025).
I woke before the alarm, and it was still early, as it was a little of an hour before the alarm was set to go off. But I had some weird dreams and I was awake, so I just started my day... The scale wasn't too bad, which was nice. I got dressed, took my meds, prepped Arwen's food, and I took her out. She did what she had to to, and then was eager to head back in, as it was food time. When she was happily eating, I got my bag, said goodbye, and headed to the gym.
I caught up with the social media bits while I enjoyed my protein shake and while I was waiting for the meds to kick in... I started a GoFundMe for then the hardest time of my life will come, and I'll need funds to make sure that I can take Arwen home again... 😢 (gofundme.com/f/AlwaysArwen). It was hard to do, but I know that I'll need the help and it needs to be arranged before the time comes and I'll be a wreck (and I guess I'll need the funds quickly then, as I think they won't do it for free...). Then I got to the seated bike. And, my leg was kind this time, as I even managed 40 minutes. 😊 I enjoyed the massage chair after that. Switched my shoes, and quickly headed back to Arwen.
Washed up, changed clothes, and had brekky. The weather was decent enough, so that was a plus. We had a nice, short, walk. Arwen seemed pleased with the shorter walk. Maybe she was already hoping that we would be able to go to the water side later that day? 😇
I changed clothes and headed to the hometrainer. I managed another 40 minutes. Then I even got a few other exercises in, yay me. I went downstairs, got my laptop, and worked on my journal blog post. I finsiehd all that I could do, so that felt good. Then Arwen wanted some walkies again so we headed out together.
We had a nice walk, and when we got back, we relaxed on the couch for a bit. When it was getting light out, I got Arwen's towel and asked if she'd be interested... Ow my, she was... 🤩 So of course that brought me to shed some tears... We headed to the Herperduin, and I even managed some vids and snaps of her. Just a short walk, with a few splashes. She was tired when we got to Skoosh, but she seemed to be rather happy, so I'll definitely take that! 😁
We headed back home, where I made some food. We relaxed on the couch, while we waited for our friend to text me about Ikea. Around 9, I walked Arwen. She was fortunate, as we saw the neighbor again... 😋 When we walked back, our friend was pulling up, so she hugged the dogs, and then we got ready to head to Ikea.
The drive there was OK enough, but somehow, in a short time, three "lion cars" thought it OK to cut me off... 🤔 My friend wondered if I had a bumper sticker, saying that I hate lions! 😂 The rest of the drive went well, and we got a decent parking spot. We got all that we came for, so that's a plus. When we got back to the car, I was just setting up the navigation, when I heard a car horn. That could not be for me? My car was in neutral, and I was still in my spot. But... That seemed to be the problem! Some bimbo in an OOOO car (as I call them...) really wanted my spot! 🤔 She wanted it so badly, that she was annoyed when she had to move to give me space so that I could head out... 🤔 She was all set up to "get it in", forgetting that Skoosh first had to get out... But I felt so weird! I wasn't doing anything bad, there were plenty of spaces left, but she felt agressive towards me because I didn't vacate the space quickly enough? Ah well...
The drive home went OK and Arwen was glad to see us back. We walked with Arwen, and our friend noticed that Arwen's health was really declining... 😔 When we got back, she headed back home, and I fixed food for Arwen and me.
The weather was nice, so I wanted to be in the garden with my eBook. Arwen joined me in the shade, but at some point, she wanted me to go inside. I told her she could go. But that didn't work. She just lay in the sun, panting heavily, until I got my stuff together and we could both head inside. Guess she really wanted to be with me...
We got ready for walkies with N&B. I got something at Ikea for N, so we took that along. We had a nice walk, and it was warm enough to be enjoyable. Then Arwen and I relaxed a bit, till she told me that she wanted to head out again. So we went for the last walkies before bed, and she did all she needed to do.
I got the bedroom door open again, so Arwen could warn me should she need me... It took a little while to fall asleep. I had a weird dream and woke up, thinking it was time already. But it was still 3½ hours till the alarm. Went to the loo. Slept again for a hour. Woke again, turned around, and after a while I fell asleep again. Around 21:50, still a bit early, I heard Arwen pacing around so I got up and started my day.
The scale was nice. 😊 And when we headed out, Arwen did a biiiiig wee, so I guess she was glad that I got up a bit earlier. So yeah, that's how I started my new day/night.
Arwen is still alive as I start this fundraiser. But she's really struggling with her hea… Cynthia De Ruiter needs your support for Arwen - cremation and urn
TL;DR: OP, a Dutch pixie, had a busy day involving the gym, setting up a GoFundMe for Arwen's future care, walks with her dog Arwen (whose health is declining), an Ikea trip with a friend, and dealing with a rude driver. Arwen needed extra attention and had a big wee.
A chocolate Labrador Retriever stands in shallow water, with its front legs submerged. The dog has a shiny, wet coat, and its fur appears slightly matted, likely from being in the water. It holds a bright yellow tennis ball in its mouth, with water droplets visible around its muzzle. The dog's ears are floppy, and its eyes are focused forward. The background shows a forested area with tall trees, and the water is calm with gentle ripples. The scene suggests a playful moment, possibly during a game of fetch.
Provided by @altbot, generated privately and locally using Ovis2-8B
Made in 1983, Panorama Toh is Nihon Falcom’s first RPG.
That’s right—before this game, they were making sports titles, puzzle games, and text adventures. So this wasn’t just a genre switch—it was a full-on reinvention. Panorama Toh is literally the first of its kind from one of Japan’s most important RPG developers.
It came out exclusively for the NEC PC-88 and has never been ported to console. Not even to other computers. The only way to play it today is through emulation—and even that’s not super easy unless you know your way around Japanese PC platforms.
Now, let’s be real here: the game isn’t a looker. Even by 1983 standards, the graphics are clunky. The UI is stiff. It’s primitive. But that’s not why it matters.
What makes Panorama Toh historically significant is what it represents. This was Falcom’s first step into RPGs—and it predates Dragon Quest by three years. In fact, this is one of the earliest Japanese RPGs,
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Made in 1983, Panorama Toh is Nihon Falcom’s first RPG.
That’s right—before this game, they were making sports titles, puzzle games, and text adventures. So this wasn’t just a genre switch—it was a full-on reinvention. Panorama Toh is literally the first of its kind from one of Japan’s most important RPG developers.
It came out exclusively for the NEC PC-88 and has never been ported to console. Not even to other computers. The only way to play it today is through emulation—and even that’s not super easy unless you know your way around Japanese PC platforms.
Now, let’s be real here: the game isn’t a looker. Even by 1983 standards, the graphics are clunky. The UI is stiff. It’s primitive. But that’s not why it matters.
What makes Panorama Toh historically significant is what it represents. This was Falcom’s first step into RPGs—and it predates Dragon Quest by three years. In fact, this is one of the earliest Japanese RPGs, period. It was released in an era when Japanese devs were just starting to look at games like Wizardry and Ultima and thinking, “Yeah, we could do that… but with our own spin.”
And Falcom didn’t stop here. After Panorama Toh, they went on to create Ys—which completely rewrote the rules for what an action RPG could be. Then came The Legend of Heroes, and eventually, Trails in the Sky and Trails of Cold Steel. Those games aren’t just big—they’re dense, interconnected, and world-built to the extreme. Falcom doesn’t get flashy with marketing or cutscenes, but their storytelling and systems run circles around most of their competitors.
So yeah, Panorama Toh might look like a footnote at first glance. But it’s not. It’s the prototype. It’s where Falcom took its first swing at what would eventually become their signature style—tight exploration, ambitious scope, and incredible music. It’s the earliest building block in a legacy that helped define the JRPG—not just on consoles, but long before that, in the wild frontier of Japanese PC gaming.
We're out for walkies again. 😊 The weather is nice enough, with a lovely waning 🌖 moon...
I did my best at the gym, as much as my leg allowed. I rode 35 minutes and then enjoyed the massage chair for ten. I was earlier, so it was busier. Which wasn't too good, but my music and phone help
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SniffiVerse™ walkies Toot
Ello frens and fans of Arwen
We're out for walkies again. 😊 The weather is nice enough, with a lovely waning 🌖 moon...
I did my best at the gym, as much as my leg allowed. I rode 35 minutes and then enjoyed the massage chair for ten. I was earlier, so it was busier. Which wasn't too good, but my music and phone helped to distract me. 😊
Today should be a decent enough day. I need to finish my journal post, but that's almost done already. I wanna build the laptop table that I bought yesterday. And I want to change the curtains in the bedroom. The old curtains will need a wash, and then I hope that I can make a friend happy with them...
I need some groceries today, and I'll have my PT. I can discuss the upcoming surgery then. And, hopefully, my PT will know something that could help my annoying elbow...
If the weather will allow, and if Arwen is interested, I'd like to take her to the Herperduin again. I know she really loves it... it's such a joy to watch her have a good time there.
Let's see if I can write a bit for my blog now... Hope you've all had a good start of the new week!
TL;DR: OP went to the gym, plans to finish a journal post, build a table, change curtains, grocery shop, go to PT (to discuss surgery and elbow pain), and maybe visit Herperduin with their dog, Arwen.
The image shows a detailed view of the Moon, captured in a waning gibbous phase with 96.7% illumination. The Moon appears as a large, circular object against a black background, highlighting its surface features. The surface is marked with various craters and maria, showcasing the Moon's rugged terrain. The coloration is a mix of light and dark shades, with the lighter areas representing the highlands and the darker regions indicating the maria. The text in the top right corner reads "Waning 🌙 gibbous 96.7% 15/04/2025 0:38," providing information about the Moon's phase, date, and time.
Provided by @altbot, generated privately and locally using Ovis2-8B
This all sounds good. I've been thinking of your mom and you and I hope she came through her Surgery OK. Sending healing thoughts to you and chin scratches to Arwen! 🐾🤎
@Pawpower Fankoos 🫶🏻 dear! Mum did well and she's been home since Sunday afternoon. She's slowly recovering, so it looks like it was successful. 💜 Arwen is doing her best, still trying to enjoy the things she's always loved. But it's getting a bit harder for her. I'll email the vet today, as I can't talk about this (and I hate phone calls anyway), to ask if there are any pain meds that she could be getting, as she's in discomfort more now, and it's still two weeks till her shot, so I don't think it's helping her much anymore. So maybe there's something else that she could be getting.... And I'll pass on the scratches, she loves more cuddles these days. 🐾 Fankoos 🫶🏻 again! And boops to your pack!
Shit, I'm sorry. Please let me know if I can help. This is the shit awful part of loving dogs like we do. My heart is with you. I'm so glad to hear your mom is doing well. You re in my thoughts. 🧡
@Pawpower Fankoos 🫶🏻 I've started a GoFundMe for her, even though she's still alive, but I want to be able to cremate her privately and take her home. And use some ashes for a pendant then. It's hard to be thinking of this, but when the time comes, it will be even harder... And indeed, it's the worst of loving... Knowing the end is coming closer... 😢 Thanks again! 🤗 And yeah, something positive is nice, so I hope mum will keep improving. 😊
Arwen is still alive as I start this fundraiser. But she's really struggling with her hea… Cynthia De Ruiter needs your support for Arwen - cremation and urn
@Pawpower Fankoos so much! Made me 😭 so again... (to be honest, I'm quite an emotional wreck at the moment... But still...). I/we really appreciate it! 🤗 😘
Open-Source ☀️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️️ Weather API with free access for non-commercial use. No API Key required ✅. Accurate weather forecasts for any location.
Edit with pupdate: Current goal completion 💯 Edited goal to €675, to include the ash-pendant... Thanks so much for helping us reach the original goal of €400! It's so good, knowing I will be able to take Arwen home, after her soul has crossed the 🌈 bridge... I've upped the goal to include the ash-pendant that I'd love to get as well. I know it's extra and not the main necessity. The cremation and urn were the most important, and thanks to you, we made it! I know the pendant is extra (and expensive), so don't feel bad if we can't make that goal meet. But every bit helps tremendously, as it would mean I could have Arwen with me sooner rather than later. 💜 Thanks ever so much for all your support!
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Edit with pupdate: Current goal completion 💯 Edited goal to €675, to include the ash-pendant... Thanks so much for helping us reach the original goal of €400! It's so good, knowing I will be able to take Arwen home, after her soul has crossed the 🌈 bridge... I've upped the goal to include the ash-pendant that I'd love to get as well. I know it's extra and not the main necessity. The cremation and urn were the most important, and thanks to you, we made it! I know the pendant is extra (and expensive), so don't feel bad if we can't make that goal meet. But every bit helps tremendously, as it would mean I could have Arwen with me sooner rather than later. 💜 Thanks ever so much for all your support! it really means a lot that you're all so kind and generous to someone who is basically an internet stranger (and her cute old sweetheart).
*Original message:* It pains me to do this... 😢 Arwen is still with me... But I fear her time is slowly (or quickly, depending how you look at it) running out. When she passes, I'll need to make arrangements for her. I want her to be cremated individually, so that I can have her ashes in an urn. And use some of the ashes for a pendant...
So, I know it's early, but here I am sharing the GoFundMe for Arwen's cremation, urn, and possibly the pendant.
I'm so sorry to ask for help with this. But I'm at a loss of how to get the funds in any other way, and I would like to be able to get everything sorted once she's passed the rainbow 🌈 bridge.
She just means the world to me. She's seen me at my best and my worst, and she never stopped believing in me. She's the reason I'm still around, she really saved me when the days were darker than a starless night... I owe her...
Fankoos in advance. I know I could never repay all the kindness shown here to me.
Arwen is still alive as I start this fundraiser. But she's really struggling with her hea… Cynthia De Ruiter needs your support for Arwen - cremation and urn
Ouch, that's rough. @TheZooLady's service dog passed in November, and it was tough. Hope you're able to do the cremation the way you want when the time comes.
@Tarrenvane Thank you, and I'm sorry for your recent loss. It's really hard, especially as she's still with me now. But I'll need to be realistic, and now I can handle it and have it "ready in time", for then that time comes. Your support and understanding mean a lot. 💜 @TheZooLady
@TheZooLady Awwww. They have special urns here for bigger dogs, which are more expensive, but they should fit... Most of the "basic" urns come in three sizes. And then there's the "special" ones that are more luxurious and with special prices and sizes.... But I'm OK with a basic one, as I found a nice one... 😊 Hopefully you can find a good one for King too. @Tarrenvane
@Tarrenvane Owww yeah, a smaller one would be sufficient then I guess. Arwen is about 35kg (I guess that's about 77lbs?) so yeah, she's a bigger one... @TheZooLady
@TheZooLady Awwww... Still... It's hard when you have to say goodbye, especially to a furry loved one. They come into out lives for a short while but they give us all the have... 😊 Sorry for your loss, and welcome to the family Tosha. 😊 @Tarrenvane
@TheZooLady Ow wow that's a nice age, especially when it was a bigger dog... Arwen will be 12 this July, should she make it that long.... She's from July 15th 2013. But for a chocolate Labrador, that seems to be a respecable age as well. @Tarrenvane
@TheZooLady Yeah we don't need to prolong anything when it's not doing the dog any good. And still, 14 years is a wonderful age for a furry loved one. Still, it's always hard to say goodbye... 😢 @Tarrenvane
@Tarrenvane he passed peacefully here at home. We'd had to carry him in from the yard for the last couple days and were about to go get him, but when we opened the door, he was standing there! He came in, we went to give him a treat and he whined at us, lay down and passed away.
@TheZooLady Yeah, he was the first dog that I really got to know, the one that taught me so much about life with a dog, so he will always hold a special place in my heart. Tosha is the first dog in my life that I've gotten to know from the start.
@Tarrenvane Awwww... Yeah first dogs are so special in their own way. They teach you so much, and every time you open your heart for a break fluffy love, you're reminded of all that the first one taught you... Knowing a dog from the start does give a special bond as well... Ah, truth is, they're all special! @TheZooLady
That's for sure! When I came into King's life, he'd already been with @TheZooLady for around 3 years or so. When my parents had dogs, I could never quite connect with them. But then I met King. Having him in my life for 10 years or so made it easier for me when Tosha came into my life.
@Tarrenvane Sometimes you just click! My ex his parents has two dogs. When the parents died shortly after one another, we cared for the dogs. One of them had immediately clicked with me and she was my big cuddle bug till the day she passed away... She wasn't the first, but she adopted me as "her human" when she understood that her old pack was gone... 😢 Dogs are just special like that... @TheZooLady
@TheZooLady Indeed and he was not alone... That'd my fear somehow, that Arwen will be alone when she passes. Although that may be how she would prefer it...? Ah... 😢 @Tarrenvane
@Tarrenvane If you notice her retreating alot and wanting to stay outside by herself, that is a pretty good indicator they don't want company at the end.
@TheZooLady She seems to be enjoying being near me, so I'll keep an eye out. She's doing pretty good now, all things considered. So I hope that with the new meds soon, she'll feel a bit better again for a while. 😊 @Tarrenvane
@Tarrenvane Tosha has been quite the lively addition to the household. Maybe not as crazy as the husky I watch 5 days a week, but lively enough to keep up with said husky.
@Greenseer 🐾 💜 Thank you! Yeah, I'm really crazy about her, and I hope she feels the same... I hope so too, we're very close now... It would be a relief to know that those funds have been secured and that, no matter when it happens, I'll be able to take her home with me. 🌹
I saw how near you are. I hope that at least that concern is off your mind very soon. It's so hard when we lose those closest to our hearts.. and yes, it is perfectly natural for that to be a member of our pet family. Love to you again 💕
@Greenseer Thanks again! 🐾 💜 And yes, it's good to know that I'll be able to get her home... 🌹 It's so hard to lose a pet. Sometimes it can be harder, for me, to deal with, as humans can really say goodbye, they can talk about what ails them, they can make their own choices. But with pets, we need to read their body language and behavior. And sometimes they don't want to show their struggles, because they want to hide their weaknesses... 😔 So yeah, it's definitely hard to know if I'm doing right by her...
I feel for you. I dread when this time comes for me and my pup. It’s not too far away. A lot of what you wrote resonates - the good and bad. Donated, wish I could do more. Sounds like you and Arwen are both lucky to have found each other.
@cynical_owl Thanks ever so much! Those kind words mean a lot. And your support means a lot too! 💜 Sorry to read that you're coming close to this part of your journey with your pup as well. They're always the hardest of times... 😢 Wishing you much love and fun together for whatever time is left for you two 🐾. And thank you, I feel blessed and spoiled to have had her in my life for this long... She truly made life better. And she still does, however much she's able to.
...and I really hate needing to do it... Trigger warning ⚠️ this post will discuss the passing of a beloved pet and what to do after that. It was very hard go write, so I recon it may be hard to read as well... As I write this, Arwen is walking in front o
…and I really hate needing to do it…
Trigger warning ⚠️ this post will discuss the passing of a beloved pet and what to do after that. It was very hard go write, so I recon it may be hard to read as well…
As I write this, Arwen is walking in front of me, sniffing as she goes, relaxing and enjoying the walkies. We’re going a bit slower, she needs a rest every now and then, but she wags her tail, she comes for hugs… She’s showing me she’s having a good time. As I write this, I start crying and find out that I forgot my tissues…. Ah well… Sobbing mess it is…
A while ago, I shared a post about Arwen, and how our time together is slowly/quickly running out… Time running out… Since then, she’s had some ups and downs. And I need to be realistic. She may be terminal, she may be holding on to the la
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…and I really hate needing to do it…
Trigger warning ⚠️ this post will discuss the passing of a beloved pet and what to do after that. It was very hard go write, so I recon it may be hard to read as well…
As I write this, Arwen is walking in front of me, sniffing as she goes, relaxing and enjoying the walkies. We’re going a bit slower, she needs a rest every now and then, but she wags her tail, she comes for hugs… She’s showing me she’s having a good time. As I write this, I start crying and find out that I forgot my tissues…. Ah well… Sobbing mess it is…
A while ago, I shared a post about Arwen, and how our time together is slowly/quickly running out… Time running out… Since then, she’s had some ups and downs. And I need to be realistic. She may be terminal, she may be holding on to the last bits that she has to offer… And as I don’t want her to suffer, I’m doing my best to keep an eye out for any signs.
But it also means that I need to think about the “life after Arwen”, and yeah… For the moment, I just can’t imagine it… As I shared in the mentioned blog, she’s been with me through so much, and she’s such a big part of my life, of my routine, of my heart 💜.
And I knew that I wanted to have her cremated. An individual cremation, so they could get her ashes back to me in a nice urn. And I could take her home again. Even though she’s not been here for a year, this was her home with me. She was (still is) a huge part of me, and I need to keep her safe with me… And I really want to get a beautiful pendant that will include some of her ashes. I need her to stay with me. Not just in apart of my heart and memories, but with me…
Of course, this costs money. Money that I don’t have… Ever since the costs of the move were getting less, Arwen needed more medical attention, for which I received some very generous help as well! 💟 So, I feel really bad about asking for financial help again… I would be able to pay for my own dog. I should be a good hoomum and do this for her by myself. But, being chronically ill without the ability to work, it means having a lower income… And the move, the medical costs, and all that, yeah… Those funds have been used… 😔
So, I did one of the harder things again… I made a new GoFundMe… I found the website of the company that cremated Gina for is back in 2008. They did a good and respectful job, so now, when the time comes, I want to use their services again.
They have all the prices listed, so that’s very good. You can just check without needing to contact anyone about it and telling about the sad situation at hand… Arwen is about 36 kilos. That means a private cremation would be €290. She’s a big dog, so I took the price of a big but simple urn, which would come at €95.
So the basics of getting her home would.be about €400, which is my first goal for the GoFundMe: gofundme.com/f/AlwaysArwen. In the first update I shared, I also shared the pendant that I found that I would love to have. It’s not the cheapest one, but this one speaks to me, and the color of the raisin, that they use for the ashes, can be customized to one that I love as well. Which would make it extra special. But… The cremation and urn are the bits I’ll need first. After that, I could always save for the pendant (and I’d probably need a nice necklace to hang it on as well).
There are three versions of this pendant, depending on the density of the gold. The cheapest one is already expensive enough for me, so I’ll have to go with that (it’s €275).
It’s so hard to be dealing with this… As I’m writing this, someone already made a generous donation, which of course brought some tears to my eyes… 😢
I made a Toot on Mastodon, where I am asking for help. And, it feels hard for several reasons. I hate asking for money! And I don’t generally like asking for help… And it keeps reminding me that, indeed, my time with Arwen is running out way faster than I hoped it would be…
A little while ago, I was thinking that she’d be at my side for when the surgery comes… Right now, I’m kinda hoping that her ashes will be with me at home when I have to deal with my surgery. And, maybe, I’ll be able to get the pendant made as well… Ugh, this is so hard!
I know I’m sharing this post as an “extra” one, as I usually post one blog a day. But I felt I had to put this out without waiting for a day to be “available” in my schedule. Or without having to change the schedule loads…
I don’t like “begging” for help… But the idea of not being able to take Arwen home again, after she has physically left my side, it would break me even more. And, I can’t face such kind of hardship alone… I need her, it’s selfish I know… But she never stopped believing in me, she saved me, and I just can’t bare to be in a house without her near… Someway….
Sure, I have many picture frames with her everywhere. The guest toilet is like a shrine. 😂 But it’s not the same, I need her to be with me, as much as possible… 😢
Thank you for your support! Thank you for your understanding. Thank you for caring (and sharing). 💕
I will never be able to pay back all that sweet people have done for me and Arwen. But I’ll do all I can to pass on all the kindness and support that I can, should others need it…
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below, or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. You can also comment when you see this post as a Toot on the Fediverse, and I’ll be notified of that as well. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother with that…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
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Alt text by Bing: The image features a heart-shaped urn crafted to hold the remains of a cherished pet. It is uniquely designed with a glossy, marbled surface that blends vibrant hues of deep red, rich purple, emerald green, and warm orange.
Content warning ⚠️ this post will discuss end of life for a loved pet. It’s hard to write for me, so I guess it may also be hard to read…
Everyone that knows my blog knows that my big love is furry, has four legs, and a greying snout… It’s Arwen, my chocolate brown Labrador. She was born on July 15th 2013, so as I write this, she’s almost 11 and 10 months. But the last few days, she has been struggling more… So I’ve been emotional as hell, and I’m sure I’ll stay that way for some time more. So much is happening, and my hormones are out of whack as well, so yeah… Sob fest at times… 😭
I’m following her lead. With walkies, with cuddles… I try to pamper her best as I can… Of course I always did my best for her, as she means the world to me. But, realizing that she’s slowly coming to the end of her journey, it makes the time we have left even more precious. And, it’s been quite a journey!
Of course, when Arwen came into my life, I was engaged, and my whole life was so different from what it is these days… I was younger, healthier, and my future looked nothing like how it turned out to be.
Arwen was there when I married, she carried the rings. Not even one year old, but she did a fantastic job! I was so proud of her… I lost the ability to work, and that was the start of the big changes in my life. But, she was there to comfort me. Then, another choco Lab needed a new home. We took her in, and we had a little choccie family. We moved houses, and all seemed well. Then… I got ditched big time! A very hard time. A suicide attempt, moving to an apartment, divorce… For about a year, I was in a very bad place…
I felt guilty for not giving Arwen what she needed, what she deserved. I got better, and tried to give back all that I could for the times she had to endure me sobbing in her fur… I tried to make up for all the walks that had been so short and boring. I built a new way of life, and she was there with me for every step of the way!
I got my surgery in September 2021, and she was there with me. And she helped me as I did my best to recover again…
We’ve come quite a long way, my gall and me. I’ve experienced the happiest of times with her, I’ve endured the darkest of times with her. She always trusted me to do the right thing for her. She believed in me when I could not believe in myself. And whenever she needed care, she allowed me to give it to her. Never angry, never disappointed, always trusting and loving. 💜
Last year, she had a very bad ear infection in both her ears. We had just moved, and most of my funds had been gone to the costs of that. So when my bank account was struggling with all the extra costs of Arwen’s vet bills, I did something that really hurt me to do… I asked for online support through a GoFundMe. (Doing a scary thing…, Needing more help 😢 & Overwhelming generosity 💜).
During the course of getting her ears treated, we discovered that Arwen was struggling with arthritis. So when her ears were healed up, new bills started, where Arwen needs an injection every four weeks. It’s costly, but I’m doing all I can (with the occasional help 🌹) to make ends meet, so that I can provide for Arwen.
I know I’m selfish, thinking I need Arwen at my side for the upcoming surgery… I know I can do it without her, but I’d rather have her at my side. But… I don’t want her to suffer. And, whenever she’s feeling rough, I will tell her it’s OK to let go. However much it breaks my heart to say it… 💔 I need her to know that it’s OK. I know some dogs try to hold on, longer than they “should”, because they don’t want to upset their owners. So, I’ll keep assuring her that she is allowed to sleep the lasting sleep, if she can’t hold on no longer.
It’s the hardest part of being a dog mum, to face the time where the journey spent together is coming to an end… It’s so bittersweet. The memories, the love, the bond of trust and faith. Knowing when to say goodbye. I would never want my companion to suffer, I would never want her to deal with inhumane pain, just because I can’t say goodbye. I want to do what’s best for her, which means I need to be realistic. No matter how much it hurts… 😢
I try to keep taking the SniffiVerse™ selfies with my gall. Making more memories, even ones from a “simple walk together”. I’ve been blessed that she shared her journey through life with me. Blessed to have been on the receiving end of her love, trust, and loyalty. And I’ll keep doing my best to be worthy of all of that for as long as we still have together… 💜
But I know that there is a chance that I’ll need to edit this post before it is scheduled to go live, as time may be running out faster than I’d like… (edit: she’s still with me at the moment, trying to enjoy the good things). Until then, I’ll make sure to do all I can for her to make every day a good one for her… 🐾💜🐾 For us…
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below, or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. You can also comment when you see this post as a Toot on the Fediverse, and I’ll be notified of that as well. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother with that…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
Alt text by ChatGPT: A person is happily posing with a large chocolate Labrador retriever beside a lakeshore. The person is crouched down, embracing the dog with both arms, and smiling broadly at the camera.
Another night, another SniffiVerse™ walkies selfie with my gall. I keep making these as long as I can, as I know the time I have with Arwen is slowly running out, and I want to cherish every bit of it...
I wrote a Toot today, asking for help for "when that time comes". It can be found here: beige.party/@PixysJourney/1143… I don't like asking for help, especially when it comes to finances... But not being able to take her home with me, after that time has come, it scares me to death.... Thank you for your support 🐾 💜
Another night, another SniffiVerse™ walkies selfie with my gall. I keep making these as long as I can, as I know the time I have with Arwen is slowly running out, and I want to cherish every bit of it...
I wrote a Toot today, asking for help for "when that time comes". It can be found here: beige.party/@PixysJourney/1143… I don't like asking for help, especially when it comes to finances... But not being able to take her home with me, after that time has come, it scares me to death.... Thank you for your support 🐾 💜
Edit with pupdate: Current goal completion 💯 Edited goal to €675, to include the ash-pendant... Thanks so much for helping us reach the original goal of €400! It's so good, knowing I will be able to take Arwen home, after her soul has crossed the 🌈 bridge... I've upped the goal to include the ash-pendant that I'd love to get as well. I know it's extra and not the main necessity. The cremation and urn were the most important, and thanks to you, we made it! I know the pendant is extra (and expensive), so don't feel bad if we can't make that goal meet. But every bit helps tremendously, as it would mean I could have Arwen with me sooner rather than later. 💜 Thanks ever so much for all your support! it really means a lot that you're all so kind and generous to someone who is basically an internet stranger (and her cute old sweetheart).
*Original message:* It pains me to do this... 😢 Arwen is still with me... But I fear her time is slowly (or quickly, depending how you look at it) running out. When she passes, I'll need to make arrangements for her. I want her to be cremated individually, so that I can have her ashes in an urn. And use some of the ashes for a pendant...
So, I know it's early, but here I am sharing the GoFundMe for Arwen's cremation, urn, and possibly the pendant.
I'm so sorry to ask for help with this. But I'm at a loss of how to get the funds in any other way, and I would like to be able to get everything sorted once she's passed the rainbow 🌈 bridge.
She just means the world to me. She's seen me at my best and my worst, and she never stopped believing in me. She's the reason I'm still around, she really saved me when the days were darker than a starless night... I owe her...
Fankoos in advance. I know I could never repay all the kindness shown here to me.
Arwen is still alive as I start this fundraiser. But she's really struggling with her hea… Cynthia De Ruiter needs your support for Arwen - cremation and urn
#Journal of an emotional Dutch Pixy 🧚🏼♀️ (Wednesday, 09/04/2025).
I woke long before the alarm. I had a bad nightmare... And my whole body was sore... So I just got up and started my day/night... I did the usual things, scale, dressing, meds, Arwen... I felt tired and a bit emotional, stupid hormones and stress. 😔 When Arwen was happily eating, I got my bag and I headed to Skoosh.
I checked my social media and waited for the meds to kick in. I rode the seated bike and then I enjoyed a massage in the chair. I just felt so tired, stupid body and nightmares... I switched my shoes and headed back home again.
Washed up, changed clothes, and had brekky. Then Arwen and I went out for SniffiVerse™ walkies. The weather wasn't too bad. But Arwen was struggling a bit. So we walked the "in-between" walkies. When we got back, I got to the hometrainer for half an hour. Then I relaxed on the couch with Arwen. I just felt so tired and exhausted.
We went for walkies and
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#Journal of an emotional Dutch Pixy 🧚🏼♀️ (Wednesday, 09/04/2025).
I woke long before the alarm. I had a bad nightmare... And my whole body was sore... So I just got up and started my day/night... I did the usual things, scale, dressing, meds, Arwen... I felt tired and a bit emotional, stupid hormones and stress. 😔 When Arwen was happily eating, I got my bag and I headed to Skoosh.
I checked my social media and waited for the meds to kick in. I rode the seated bike and then I enjoyed a massage in the chair. I just felt so tired, stupid body and nightmares... I switched my shoes and headed back home again.
Washed up, changed clothes, and had brekky. Then Arwen and I went out for SniffiVerse™ walkies. The weather wasn't too bad. But Arwen was struggling a bit. So we walked the "in-between" walkies. When we got back, I got to the hometrainer for half an hour. Then I relaxed on the couch with Arwen. I just felt so tired and exhausted.
We went for walkies and then I read some of my eBook. When bestie called, we had a nice chat. I had a bite to eat. And then I headed to the garden with the rake and I tried to get some more work done in the front garden. Ugh, my body wasn't happy about it, and every sweep I made hurt my back and arm. But I did my best to rake out as much of the weeds that were still there. Now I need to ditch the sand, stones, and the weeds... But not today...
I went back in, had some relaxing time, and then Arwen wanted walkies. When we headed out, the neighbor was just coming around the corner. So Arwen was very excited about that. We had a nice walk, but it was grey and chilly. After that, I retreated to the couch and I watched telly. Around 11, Arwen wanted a short walk, so we headed out again.
I was a rather emotional wreck today, as I felt so worried that I would lose Arwen before the surgery. And I felt so selfish got wanting her to be there for me when that time comes... 😢 I know Arwen is slowly showing her age, but I don't want her to suffer because of my selfish needs. But the idea of having to lose her in a time where so much is happening... I don't think I could handle her passing, should it happen now... So many stressing things and that would push me over the edge for sure. So then I sobbed some more....
I was exhausted and I snoozed a bit on the couch, till Arwen gave me such a stare that reminded me that it was time for her walkies. So yeah, I got up again. Texted N, and we got ready to go...
We had a shorter walk, as both Arwen and B were showing some signs of dealing with some discomfort with their paws. So a shorter round... Then I relaxed a bit on the couch, till I was ready to head to bed.
Arwen did the last wee and we said goodnight. I had a rubbish sleep, I woke feeling too cold, woke feeling all sweaty, I had bad dreams... I got up earlier, as I just had enough of the nightmares and all of that...
TL;DR: OP, a Dutch pixie, had a rough day filled with physical pain, emotional distress (hormones and stress), and worry about their aging pet, Arwen, potentially passing away before a planned surgery. Despite exhaustion and several walks with Arwen, OP managed some chores and social interaction but ended the day emotionally drained and with poor sleep.
We're out and about again. Let's see now today's walk will go. Of course I hope that Arwen feels OK enough for a longer walk, but I'll follow her lead, should she not feel up to it...
I didn't have a good time at the gym. I was earlier due to the bad night, and damn, it was so busy (for me at least). Loads of folks and sounds and movements around me... My body was tired and my mind was triggered. So I only managed 15 minutes on the seated bike. I did enjoy the massage chair, b
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SniffiVerse™ walkies Toot
Ello frens and fans of Arwen
We're out and about again. Let's see now today's walk will go. Of course I hope that Arwen feels OK enough for a longer walk, but I'll follow her lead, should she not feel up to it...
I didn't have a good time at the gym. I was earlier due to the bad night, and damn, it was so busy (for me at least). Loads of folks and sounds and movements around me... My body was tired and my mind was triggered. So I only managed 15 minutes on the seated bike. I did enjoy the massage chair, but I was glad to be outside again.
It's 8°C, with a real feel of about 6. But it's very cloudy, so I can't take a nice moon snap tonight, bummer...
Today, I'll be taking mum to Germany and some Dutch stores. MKe sure she will have everything that dad will need, as she goes into hospital tomorrow for surgery... I don't know any times yet, so no idea now Friday will go yet...
But first, the Thursday...
Arwen is getting all the sniffs, and I hope she's not feeling too bad. I am so worried over her, as I see that she wants to keep going, but I also see that it's costing her more energy to do things... And I know she doesn't want to let me down... And I really appreciate that... but I also don't want her to suffer just to please me... So I'm keeping an eye out as much as I can... But it just worries me so much...
As I mentioned earlier, it's also selfish, as I kinda want her to be there for me when I have my surgery. She would give me motivation to do my best. She would comfort me when I am feeling sad... So I need her... But not at all costs... Ugh... Dealing with this much all at once, it's wrecking me...
Mum's surgery, Arwen's health, my upcoming surgery, the daily things that need to be done, hormones, health and finances... Ugh... I wish things would become a bit easier, as I do feel that it's fueling my stupid nightmares...
Anywhoo... Just gotta keep going. Taking every day, one step at a time, and hoping for the best for all of it...
TL;DR: OP is stressed about many things: Arwen (pet) may be ill, OP's upcoming surgery, their mom's upcoming surgery, and daily life struggles. They're trying to manage it all while supporting their mom and pet.
Chatting with my daughter every day while we protest has been really special. She is smart, funny, empathetic and fiercely liberal. I am a proud mom. She is also really good at reminding me that my cinnamon scones were her absolute favorite baked thing I have ever baked. So today I got the hint and will give them another go. I so hope that they turn out the same. You never know with me. My free wheeling approach to recipes gets me in trouble sometimes when I need to deliver the same thing again. Fingers crossed they are good. They are in the freezer now getting cold before I pop them in the oven. #Baking
I don’t bake much anymore, but I definitely have a freewheeling approach to cooking. Then someone will ask me for a recipe…and I send it with a note that attempts to document what I *thnk* I usually change. Recipes for me are like the rules of the road in Italy…just a suggestion! 😂
I've been trying to work ahead some... Like I usually try to do. But with the busy times ahead, surgeries for mum and me, health not being the best, Arwen not being the best... 😔 So it's good to have some posts scheduled, that when I don't feel like writing, I know something is still "ready to be shared". 😊
The only posts that I can't write in advance are the journal ones...
Some shameless promotion here: my blog "toots" when a post goes live, which is usually around 7am CET. The account is at @cynnisblog.wordpress.com
The image displays a mobile application interface with a black background, featuring a list of posts organized by date under the "GEPLAND" (planned) tab. The interface includes a navigation bar at the top with the title "Berichten" (messages) and a search icon on the right. Below the navigation bar, there are tabs labeled "ICEERD," "CONCEPTEN," "GEPLAND," and "VERWIJDERD" (deleted), with "GEPLAND" highlighted.
Each post is listed with a date, a title, and a link, accompanied by a small image. The titles include phrases like "Thursday Author Quote," "What a date! 😂," "Welcome to (the) Matrix," "#SilentSunday," "Was it worth it? 🏠," "Survival mode?," "Thursday Book Quote," "So many worries...," "Giving up...," "Gaming - on and off...," "Doubts...," "Making AI cover art," "Doing it wrong...," "Driving...," "See? It's wrong...," "I really want to...," "#SilentSunday," "Music stats by Stats.FM," "Just keep going...," "Adding more alt texts,"
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The image displays a mobile application interface with a black background, featuring a list of posts organized by date under the "GEPLAND" (planned) tab. The interface includes a navigation bar at the top with the title "Berichten" (messages) and a search icon on the right. Below the navigation bar, there are tabs labeled "ICEERD," "CONCEPTEN," "GEPLAND," and "VERWIJDERD" (deleted), with "GEPLAND" highlighted.
Each post is listed with a date, a title, and a link, accompanied by a small image. The titles include phrases like "Thursday Author Quote," "What a date! 😂," "Welcome to (the) Matrix," "#SilentSunday," "Was it worth it? 🏠," "Survival mode?," "Thursday Book Quote," "So many worries...," "Giving up...," "Gaming - on and off...," "Doubts...," "Making AI cover art," "Doing it wrong...," "Driving...," "See? It's wrong...," "I really want to...," "#SilentSunday," "Music stats by Stats.FM," "Just keep going...," "Adding more alt texts," and "AuHD - Stimming." The images accompanying the posts are colorful and varied, with some depicting abstract designs, landscapes, and characters.
The interface is designed for easy scrolling, with each post clearly separated by a horizontal line. The overall layout is clean and organized, facilitating easy navigation through the planned posts.
Provided by @altbot, generated privately and locally using Ovis2-8B
I just sent an email to my GP practice to ask if they could help me with finding and arranging care at home, after the surgery is done. Last time, mum stayed with me and helped me. But her health isn't as it was almost 4 years ago, so I want to check out the options, just in case...
I hope that my neighbor will ask her son and DiL when they'd be able to help me with the couch. It's an easy move, as it's not a heavy couch, but it needs more people
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Ello sweet and lovely Friendos
Ah well... Be silent, my worrying brain...
I just sent an email to my GP practice to ask if they could help me with finding and arranging care at home, after the surgery is done. Last time, mum stayed with me and helped me. But her health isn't as it was almost 4 years ago, so I want to check out the options, just in case...
I hope that my neighbor will ask her son and DiL when they'd be able to help me with the couch. It's an easy move, as it's not a heavy couch, but it needs more people to make it easy. And when I know the couch can be moved, then I know when they can bring the bed and mattress in (so I can sit on the bed to watch telly before the surgery, otherwise I need to sit on the ground 😂 and so it can be ready when I go into hospital).
Arwen did her best with walkies, and she's been snoozing ever since.
I've been on the hometrainer for half an hour, even did some light dumbbell exercises, and now I'm on the couch. Want to read, but am a tad tired, so will probably just watch some telly, and maybe snooze a bit.
I've been working on my blog during the SniffiVerse™ walkies, as I've shared in a previous Toot. 😊
Just wish that my night had been better, as I feel so tired and there's still so much to do...
The dishwasher is working it's magic, so that will be done when we get back from Nijmegen, later today.
Let's watch some Criminal Minds, and maybe catch a little snooze...
Hope you're all doing well! I do miss not having a lovely moon snap of tonight, especially as it's close to the full moon. But there were so many clouds... Though still no sign of rain. And yeah, usually I'm not too fond of rain, especially when I need to go out for walkies. But it's been dry so long now, that we definitely do need some water from the skies...
TL;DR: OP emailed their GP about post-surgery home care, needs help moving furniture, walked their dog, exercised, and is now relaxing and watching TV. Feeling tired despite their efforts.
The image features a chocolate Labrador Retriever sitting on a large, cut tree log in an open field. The dog is facing to the right with its mouth open, tongue out, and appears to be panting, suggesting it might be warm or has been active. Its fur is a rich, dark brown color, and it has a sturdy build typical of the breed. The log is gray with visible bark and a cut end, indicating it has been recently cut. In the background, there is a grassy field with a few trees, some of which are bare, suggesting it might be early spring or late autumn. The sky is partly cloudy with patches of blue visible. A person can be seen in the distance, walking away from the camera, adding a sense of scale to the scene. The overall setting is a natural, outdoor environment, likely a park or rural area.
Provided by @altbot, generated privately and locally using Ovis2-8B
I is back folks! I didn't have the best night. 😔 Woke once for the loo, and then I woke about 80 minutes before the alarm. I had a horrible dream and my whole body was sore, so I just got up and started my day. I didn't want any more of that dream and my body needed movement...
I have not worked on the garden for two days now. I know my neighbor needs the shovel today, so I wanna rake the bigger part of the garden today, to get the stuff out that came loose when I shoveled the weeds out. My elbow won't like it. But it needs to get done, especially if I wanna get the sheet for the soil in two weeks...
I did have the call with the hospital, and they gave me the
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Ello sweet and lovely Friendos
I is back folks! I didn't have the best night. 😔 Woke once for the loo, and then I woke about 80 minutes before the alarm. I had a horrible dream and my whole body was sore, so I just got up and started my day. I didn't want any more of that dream and my body needed movement...
I have not worked on the garden for two days now. I know my neighbor needs the shovel today, so I wanna rake the bigger part of the garden today, to get the stuff out that came loose when I shoveled the weeds out. My elbow won't like it. But it needs to get done, especially if I wanna get the sheet for the soil in two weeks...
I did have the call with the hospital, and they gave me the best date ever for a surgery! 😂 Friday the 13th (of June). I could change it to a later date, but as dad has been planning the holidays, this is already cutting it short to prepare for that... The surgeon told me end of May, early June, so the 13th is two weeks after that, so it will leave me with two weeks less to prepare for the holiday... Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 that all will go well...
I found the website of the folks that did my rental bed in 2021, so I'll see about using them again this year. I need to check with my neighbor when the "young ones" could be able to help me with the couch, as then I know when I can order the bed for...
The (video) calls are planned with anesthesia. They wanted me to check up with the physio too, but after discussing it, they were sure that I had enough experience and my own physio was doing enough to help me as well. So that saves me from needing to "learn" things that I've known since I was 17. 😇
Ah well, let's see if I can get some exercise in. I had a shorter night due to a stupid nightmare and my body tensing up all the way... Hey ho, let's do this! 💪🏼
TL;DR: OP had a bad night, needs to garden despite elbow pain, got a surgery date (June 13th!), and is planning for a new bed and holiday preparations.
Phoenix says that as the senior member of the snuggle patrol, it is her responsibility to be available for emergency snuggles, and adoration at any moment of the day or night! It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it! 🩷🐦🔥👑💞
Films - Dark City, Cube, Ghost In The Shell (animated), , The Fifth Element, Titan A.E (animated)
Also, if you like funny, Galaxy Quest is one of my all time favourite movies!
TV - Farscape, Resident Alien, Stargate SG1 and Atlantis, The Expanse, For All Mankind (this is alternate history rather than futuristic)
Books - Chasm City, Dark Eden, The Aurora Cycle, Midnight Robber, Rosewater, The Outside, anything by Becky Chambers, Nnedi Okorafor, Octavia Butler, and Iain M Banks. 🖖
#Journal of a slightly anxious Dutch Pixy 🧚🏼♀️ (Tuesday, 08/04/2025).
I woke up an hour before the alarm. I had not woken before, so it was a long sleep. And now I just had to get up and start my day. The scale was being less kind, so that was a bummer. I got dressed and took my meds. Prepped Arwen's food and took her out to do her things. She was happily eating when I got my bag and headed to Skoosh.
I checked my notifications while I was enjoying my protein shake. When the meds kicked in, I got to the seated bike and did my thing. A nice massage in the chair later and then I got ready to head home again. I remembered (in time) that I had meds to pick up, so I drove to the pharmacy to use the medical safe thingie. I entered my code and I got the correct stuff. Yay!
I got home, washed up, changed, had brekky. Then Arwen and I got ready for SniffiVerse™ walkies. The weather wasn't too bad, and we had a nice walk. Although I do wonder if Arwen is struggling a bit more w
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#Journal of a slightly anxious Dutch Pixy 🧚🏼♀️ (Tuesday, 08/04/2025).
I woke up an hour before the alarm. I had not woken before, so it was a long sleep. And now I just had to get up and start my day. The scale was being less kind, so that was a bummer. I got dressed and took my meds. Prepped Arwen's food and took her out to do her things. She was happily eating when I got my bag and headed to Skoosh.
I checked my notifications while I was enjoying my protein shake. When the meds kicked in, I got to the seated bike and did my thing. A nice massage in the chair later and then I got ready to head home again. I remembered (in time) that I had meds to pick up, so I drove to the pharmacy to use the medical safe thingie. I entered my code and I got the correct stuff. Yay!
I got home, washed up, changed, had brekky. Then Arwen and I got ready for SniffiVerse™ walkies. The weather wasn't too bad, and we had a nice walk. Although I do wonder if Arwen is struggling a bit more with the longer walk these days. 😔 Poor gall.... I worked a bit on my blog.
When we got home, I got the laptop and I worked on my journal post. I made sure it got ready to be shared at 7. I was feeling rather tired after that, so I relaxed on the couch a bit. I just felt very bläh and I didn't like it... Had my usual morning walk with Arwen and then I read a bit. Bestie called but she got called herself during that call, so we only had a short chat. I read a bit in my eBook and then I got ready to head to Lidl. But Arwen indicated she wanted a short walkies, so I took her out to do her thing before I left.
I was still too early, so it wasn't all bad. When the store opened, I quickly got what I needed, and then I headed back home again. I fixed some food and relaxed a wee bit. And then... Arwen wanted walkies again. We saw the neighbor, so Arwen was all delighted.
I wanted to call the hospital today, to check for the surgery date, and I found out that the only times to call were Tuesday and Friday between 10:30-12:00. So I had to wait a bit... When it was time, I called, and got a tape saying to call between said times. Eugh, I had waited till 10:30, so they were just running late? I immediately called again and then... There was someone already connected. Ah well, wait and wait... The lady checked things and then she had the best date for me! Friday the 13th! 😂 If I were superstitious, I could have a later date. But I just giggled and took this one, as the sooner the better! So when I hung up, I finally knew the date. It wasn't set in stone, but if all goes well, this will be my surgery date. June 13th. Check!
Feeling the anxiety slowly be released from my body, I relaxed a bit. Till it was time for the walkies. When we were almost home, the neighbor came out. And even though Arwen seemed tired, she still wanted to join them. So I could tell about my news. 😊
I felt so tired after that, that I spend loads of time on the couch just watching telly... Hopefully the rest of today and yesterday will mean that I can get some gardening done on Wednesday. 🤞🏻
Around 13:30 we went for walkies again. The dogs had a good time and the neighbor and I had some laughs as well. During the walk, I missed a call from a private number. No voicemail. 🤔 Thinking it could be the hospital, I switched on the sound, just in case they'd call again. Which they did. After a longer talk, the lady was nice but she wasn't a fast talker 😂, I had some appointments planned. I was grateful that they felt like I didn't really need the physio prep for the surgery. I kinda know how the crutches work... 😉 And I know how to get in and out of the bed. And how to transfer to car seats. And how to do stairs... I am a pro 😂. (unfortunately).
I relaxed a bit with Arwen, and when it was time, I let her out to do het things. I went to bed and it didn't take too long to fall asleep.
I woke once and then again, after having a bad nightmare. My whole body was tense, so it was best to get up, even though I still had 70 minutes till the alarm. Ugh... Well, let's start the new day/night, I guess...
TL;DR: OP, a slightly anxious Dutch pixy, had a busy day involving pet care, exercise, medication, errands (pharmacy & Lidl), blog work, and a successful hospital call securing a surgery date (June 13th!). Despite some anxiety and a bad dream, OP ended the day feeling relieved and ready for the next day.
So much ugliness happening in this country that I can hardly stand it! Luckily, it snowed yesterday in South Central Alaska for the first time in a few months. Here is a darling photo of a moose getting splashed in the head with a snow dump from a tree. Lacee Johnson is the photographer.
I really wonder about how all these stupid folks that didn't like the inconvenience of covid will act with the next pandemic. The pandemic has a lot to do with what's happening. People lost money etc. But, we will have to learn to live with these things until humans stop spreading their germs all over the place.
@actuallyautistic This came across my feed and is quite interesting. Nothing, in a sense, that we don't know, but nice to see the things we've been talking about for some time now, finally reaching the mainstream, so to speak. So, just in case you haven't seen it and for those who might be interested.
. honestly, I’m not going to. It looks like a time is coming when having my book will just get people in trouble. This is not the time for attempted reform. . I should print a few and bury them, as time capsules. 💜
My son set the beekeeping nuc (box) we were attempting to catch a swarm with (failed) on my garden bed yesterday after coming home. Less than 24 hours later.... #beekeeping #bee #swarm #gardening #beemudatriangle
It's dry, still, and 6°C, with a real feel of about 4. 🌔
We're out and about again, although Arwen is a tad slow today. I wonder if she may want to walk the smaller route today? She's walking a bit more wobbly, so maybe she made a wrong step yesterday? Just gotta take it easy. But my leg is annoying me, and when I go too slow, it "rattles" a bit again.
But hey, "just" 65 more days till my surgery. When you just say the date, it seems ages away. But when you c
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SniffiVerse™ walkies Toot
Ello frens and fans of Arwen
It's dry, still, and 6°C, with a real feel of about 4. 🌔
We're out and about again, although Arwen is a tad slow today. I wonder if she may want to walk the smaller route today? She's walking a bit more wobbly, so maybe she made a wrong step yesterday? Just gotta take it easy. But my leg is annoying me, and when I go too slow, it "rattles" a bit again.
But hey, "just" 65 more days till my surgery. When you just say the date, it seems ages away. But when you count the days, somehow it seems much closer than that... 🤔 I just saw in the app there I made a countdown widget for my surgery, that's it's been 282 days since I got the keys, and 270 days since the move... Crazy times! It really doesn't feel like that, but when I know the surgery it's on June 13th, that's just about 2½ weeks before the first year of having the keys for the small house is done and dusted. (and what a lot of dust it is 😂).
I have things to arrange now. And I'll need go check with mum. Will she want to come stay with me for a while? Or will I need to contact "thuiszorg", which will need to provide care at home for me? As I will get some strict living rules and I can't just do things as I do them now. So I will need someone to help me with socks and shoes, with getting meals to the table. You're so limited when need to use two crutches at all times...
So, I need to ask when some of my neighbors will be able to help me with the couch, so that I can plan the renting of the bed and mattress. I need to ask mum for the care after the surgery. I need to ask my neighbor if she'd be able to take Arwen every now and then, as I can do some small walks, but the longer ones I can't do, or not on my own, at least.
Ugh, so much needs go be sorted and I hate needing so much help. 😔 But the way my leg is now, it does need fixing...
Sorry, babbling loads... Even if it's still 65 days away, I guess I'm already a bit anxious about it... 🫣 Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 that I can get everything planned properly and in time... 🍀
Let's see if my brain wants to ramble some more, and I'll write a update about my surgery news for my blog. 😉 Catch you all later folks!
PS. Alt text not by altbot as it seems to not respond to this Toot, nor to the reply where I tagged it... Alt text by AI, but it's better than me just writing "Gibbous moon, 85,7%, with the date and time". I suck as describing what I see... 🫣 (or I focus too much on one thing and forget to mention the rest then).
TL;DR: OP is on a slow walk with their dog, Arwen, and is anxious about upcoming surgery in 65 days. They need to arrange for post-op care, help with daily tasks, and dog care, and are feeling overwhelmed by the logistics.
Riding the hometrainer. Arwen wanted the "in-between" walkies, so we had less steps and we were home earlier. As I didn't get to the half hour on the seated bike (I was close but the leg didn't approve), I figured that I needed to get to my hometrainer.
I feel tired. I have a slight headache, as my brain is working overtime on figuring out all that I need to prepare for the upcoming surgery.
Having a date is good. But now I need to get things arranged. I need to be sure I've prepared all that I can, so it will be good when I get home from the hospital.
I hate asking help, and I'll need to do quite a bit of that... So yeah... It will be a hard wait and the insecurity of not being sure if all will go well... Ugh...
So! Riding the hometrainer. Just a low setting. But it is better than lying on the couch watching telly? 🤔
I don't know how long my leg will allow, but every minute is a small win, I guess.
I went to the gym. Had a shorter walk with Arwen, as she was struggling to go further. Poor gall... I've been riding the hometrainer, while watching some Sons of Anarchy.
I started it ages ago, then got distracted, and as one of my friends really loves it, I'm trying to watch it again when I'm riding.
I changed the controller and headphones for the PS5. I hope that I can get a bit of gaming in today...
I do need to do some chores, even though my body won't appreciate me doing them. But, hopefully I can reward myself with some relaxing NMS after that... 😊
Hope you're all doing well and you've been enjoying some good games, tv shows, music...
it’s a free country, you can do whatever you like with them as long as it’s consensual 😀 seriously though depends on what you’re trying to accomplish. if for example, you have two normally distributed values and you have added the underlying values, you can calculate the standard deviation or variance of the resulting distribution. Good intro here watch out for difference between variance and standard deviation.
I have a value type that represents a gaussian distribution:
struct Gauss {
double mean;
double variance;
}
I would like to perform an integral over a series of these values:
Gauss
in general, if you have the variance, you have the standard dev, so work with the most convenient! Unlike averages / mean, variance is not linearly additive. Also, whether or not the random variables are independent matters. Hopefully this helps?
I am not sure if I am missing something, but from my understanding you can just combine them, if they are roughly same sample size and the assumption of normal distribution holds for the two sets and the combination too. But my statistics are old and rusty…
A while ago, I shared a post about living online (Trying to live online). And I keep thinking about it... I don't have too many friends, but the ones I have, I consider to be very good ones! 💜 And then, there is my phone, where all my "pocket friends" are
A while ago, I shared a post about living online (Trying to live online). And I keep thinking about it… I don’t have too many friends, but the ones I have, I consider to be very good ones! 💜 And then, there is my phone, where all my “pocket friends” are. People that I consider friends, people that I care about, people that I’ll probably never meet… My online friends. 🌹
I don’t have a partner. I live with Arwen, which is nice, but it’s definitely different than living with a person. And while I enjoy being on my own, doing my own things, living my own life… Sometimes I can feel alone, lonely even (Not lonely, but alone…, and I miss someone to share my life with. And I guess that’s where all my social media comes in. I’m trying to make a differen
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A while ago, I shared a post about living online (Trying to live online). And I keep thinking about it… I don’t have too many friends, but the ones I have, I consider to be very good ones! 💜 And then, there is my phone, where all my “pocket friends” are. People that I consider friends, people that I care about, people that I’ll probably never meet… My online friends. 🌹
I don’t have a partner. I live with Arwen, which is nice, but it’s definitely different than living with a person. And while I enjoy being on my own, doing my own things, living my own life… Sometimes I can feel alone, lonely even (Not lonely, but alone…, and I miss someone to share my life with. And I guess that’s where all my social media comes in. I’m trying to make a difference to this world, I’m trying to “matter” in a way, and my brain tells me that I should do that by sharing stuff online.
I have always felt different. I have always had these busy thoughts. And these thoughts could be “calmed” a little by “making them feel heard”, which comes down to: me writing about it.
When I started my real online presence, it wasn’t like it is these days. But then, there was ICQ, MySpace, and Geocities. And, when I got my own cable internet connection, I even got a little bit of space online to build a website. I don’t think I could do that now, these days. But back then, I had my own domain, and it had a website and I also hosted a forum/message board (called “Once more, with feeling”, based on the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). It was awesome and I loved it.
But then it got too expensive, and I didn’t have the time for it anymore, so I lost the domain and all I built on it. Although, I met some awesome folks through the forum, and we’re still friends now… 😊
I had a blog, then I had another one. Like with any good ADHD thing, I was very active on my blog, until I wasn’t… My situation changed, and I ditched the blog, as it was a reminder of the past… But then a year passed by and I missed it. I started this blog and… I’ve been “at it” ever since. Sharing my journey. Sharing my ups and downs. Sharing my shruggles, my joys and tears, my life…
It’s just me (and Arwen) now. Arwen won’t last me a lifetime, so at some point, I’ll havr to say goodbye to her… Which will break my heart 💔 in the biggest way possible. But yeah, I can’t really share my stories with Arwen. She’ll listen, she’ll comfort me, but that’s about all that she can do. We’re making memories, but who will remember them in the end?
So, I write my blog here. I’ve been sharing my journal posts for a long time now. They’ve changed several times. But the last year or so, I guess they’ve been very “stable” in how I make them. Besides my journal, I have the weekly quote and silent Sunday posts. And the rest? It’s all about the journey through life…
Dealing with health, dealing with money, enjoying games and music, writing bad reviews, sharing Zoo experiences… I’ll share it all!
Are my posts important? Maybe not to many others… But they are to me! They give me a way to clear my mind. They make it possible to document my journey through life. And maybe it can help someone somewhere.
Maybe someone else is struggling as well. Maybe they feel alone and misunderstood. Maybe they fear that things won’t get any better… So many maybes… But! If one of my silly posts could hemp just one person, I’d be very proud of that! 🥰 As it would mean that my writings have helped someone. And let’s be honest, it always good when you’re able to help someone…
And I know I do repeat myself at times. I guess that’s how my brain operates. It can work on something, so I witte about it. It will be content with that for a bit, and move on. Only to start wondering about it again making me go back to write about it some more. Maybe it means that I’ll “discover” something new? Maybe there as something that triggered the same thoughs again and I need to re-evaluate the thing. And, of course, I do that by writing about it…
And I’m so grateful when my posts get liked. I’m so happy when I see people sharing them through Mastodon these days. I know it doesn’t mean that they read it all. But just knowing that they care enough to press that share/boost button, it does feel nice… 🌼
I follow several blogs as well. And there are moments when I try to catch up with them all, but I often fail. Wiring the blogs seems easier than reading. To be honest, it’s been a while since I really read. I used to read before bed time. And I still need to read more in the book “Menopausing” that a friend gave me. But it’s just been harder to focus on reading these days.
So here I am, wobbling through life, sharing the journey with you all… And thank you to all that join me in this adventure! 🥰 I really appreciate it! It makes me feel a little less lonely during the harder days. It makes me feel like I matter a little, which can sometimes be just the boost that my depressed thoughts need… So I really am very grateful! 💜
To be continued… As the journey goes onwards…
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user, or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below ) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
Alt text by Bing: The image features a vibrant, neon-themed design with a large, glowing heart at the center. The heart is outlined in bright pink and purple hues, creating a striking contrast against the dark, textured background.
Recently, I have shared a few posts about dealing with life. How I felt fake at times, how I struggled to keep going by doing the daily routine and chores, how I just feel like I am stumbling through life. And I guess, this is a follow up to those posts.
I share a lot online. Maybe too much. But honestly, I don’t really care… I struggle with social interactions. I don’t have that many friends and most live further away, so I don’t see them that often. And some live too far away and I doubt that I will ever meet them. So my social interactions in real life, as they say, are rather limited. And I guess I am using the social media bits to feel some sort of connection.
I occasionally chat with friends online, but I am often scared that I will be a bother to them, so often I will wait for them to reach out to me. And I guess that doesn’t make me the best friend there is… 😔
So I write. I write on this blog. I write on Mastodon. I share snaps on Pixelfed. I try to make connections and be social and have conversations. But I feel like I am always saying the same, sharing the same, and I just feel like I am this big, fat bore… I know, I am my own worst critic…
I share things about my (daily) life. I write about my struggles, not just with health or money. I write about gadgets, gaming, TV series. But lately, I feel like I hit this vicious circle, where I am stuck in this pattern of doing the same thing over and over, and that includes my writing here.
The interaction I don’t have with folks offline, I try to achieve by sharing loads online. It’s not that I want to gather all the likes or anything like that… I just need a way to feel like I matter. If that makes sense 🤔… I need to believe that my daily (struggles through) life matters somehow…
As I recently shared, some days I feel fake, like it doesn’t really matter what I do, like no one would care anyway… I don’t need a “pity party”, but I just need to feel like it’s worth all of it. Even when it feels very mundane… 😔
Being single isn’t all bad. You get to live your life your own way. Which can be a great feeling of freedom. Sure, it has downsides. Enough of them, in different levels. But one thing I struggle with at times, is not having someone to just chat with. So, instead of chatting, here I am, typing my fingers off…
I have friends to chat with. I try to meet up with the ones that live near enough when they can and want to. But it it’s been a while since the last chat, I sometimes struggle to pick up the conversation again. I know I can just text most of them, but somehow, or just feels hard to do. But when they text me, I find it a lot easier to just reply…
Which reminds me that I should text sine folks later today… 🫣 (as I write this…).
But yeah, blogging or sharing on Fedi is a lot easier than texting folks when I feel I may be bothering them… A blog or Toot is less direct than a message that goes directly to the friend. And I know that many of my friends are OK with me texting when I can. I know they have their phones on DND (do not disturb) when they’re sleeping or working. But I still feel weird when I text them during the night, as part of me feels I should respect their sleep…. 🤔
So trying to live online through blogs, toots, sharing snaps and visa, sharing my life so I feel a wee bit connected to others through that. If that makes sense… 🤔 Sometimes it can be hard when it’s just you and your dog, and no one to chill out on the couch with, to share the daily bits…
Anywhoooo… That’s a reason why I enjoy blogging so much. Also cause it helps to clear my mind…
To be continued…. As I’ll keep writing…
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
@pathfinder@beige.party Awwww 🥰 fankoos 💜 dear! I’m really grateful for my “pocket friends”, as they are just amazing and supportive… Even if I know I’ll never be able to meet them, they do mean a lot to me… And I always appreciate your insights and your kindness and compassion, thank you for being such a wonderful person. 🫂 💜 🌸
On Friday morning, I started the work in the front garden. pixelfed.social/p/PixysSnaps/8… Saturday morning, I went back at it for a bit. Slow progress, but progress nevertheless...
I shared these snaps yesterday on Masto, but I wanted to share them here as well. My garden was full of all sorts of (big) weeds... I spent just over an hour, trying to get as much out as my hands and body allowed. I didn't finish it all, but there is some difference between the two snaps. And no, I don't mean the missing Labrador in the second snap. 😂
Ello sweet (and sporty) Friendos 
Edited AI image of a Pixy and a chocolate brown Labrador with greying snout, sitting on a couch together, waiting… Text on the image says “Waiting…”.
Ello sweet gaming Friendos 
🧚🏼♀️
tl;dr
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Altbot
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •The image features a person wearing a black jacket with a reflective green safety vest, a headlamp, and headphones. The person is smiling and leaning towards a large chocolate Labrador Retriever. The dog is looking directly at the camera with its mouth open, showing its tongue, and appears happy. The background is dark, suggesting it might be nighttime or in a low-light environment. The person's glasses reflect light, and the headlamp is turned on, illuminating the scene. The dog's eyes are reflecting the light, giving them a glowing appearance. The person is holding the dog's collar with one hand.
Provided by @altbot, generated privately and locally using Ovis2-8B
🌱 Energy used: 0.150 Wh
Masayuki60 🦮🇯🇵 🇺🇦 🐕🇺🇲📷
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Pixy's Journey
in reply to Masayuki60 🦮🇯🇵 🇺🇦 🐕🇺🇲📷 • • •Thank you! 🤗 I saw the message and sent a little thank you message back. I really appreciate it 💜
Yeah, we know that they don't live as long as we'd love them to... She's almost 12, and she's been through a lot... But she never lost her spirit and she's still trying to enjoy life now. So I try to spoil her even more, as she fully deserves it. 🌹
Masayuki60 🦮🇯🇵 🇺🇦 🐕🇺🇲📷
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Pixy's Journey
in reply to Masayuki60 🦮🇯🇵 🇺🇦 🐕🇺🇲📷 • • •I will! Even more than I did before... She's worth it all. 💜
Masayuki60 🦮🇯🇵 🇺🇦 🐕🇺🇲📷
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •LaDonna
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Pixy's Journey
in reply to LaDonna • • •Thank you 🌸 💜 🫂 and thanks for your support!
rainey 🌻
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Pixy's Journey
in reply to rainey 🌻 • • •Fankoos 😢 I hope I did alright. I always feel like I should have done better, more, and all that.... I know I've always done my best, but it often feels like it wasn't good enough...
But she sure is loved, and I know she's always been there for me... Thank you 🐾 💜
rainey 🌻
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Pixy's Journey
in reply to rainey 🌻 • • •Anthony 🐨🦘🪃🇦🇺🕯🌟🧙♂️🇺🇦🇨🇦
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Pixy's Journey
in reply to Anthony 🐨🦘🪃🇦🇺🕯🌟🧙♂️🇺🇦🇨🇦 • • •Fankoos 🫶🏻 🤗
Verđandi K. Soldusty
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Pixy's Journey
in reply to Verđandi K. Soldusty • • •Fankoos 🫶🏻
Kalie Ganem
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •