Everybody has to deal with rules. Some as strict as the law. Some are rules set by parents, schools, employers, and even friends and other family. There are the written and unwritten once, the variables between different sets of people and circumstances. But the rules I am writing about at this moment, they are the rules for my (new) dog. 🐾

Every dog has his/her own personality. They all have things they love to do, hate to do, are great or bad at doing… But, a dog’s life also means that he usually lives with people. And those people have rules, expectations, and things they love or hate to do. And, when we take on the responsibility of living with a dog, caring for a dog, loving a dog… It also means we are setting rules and boundaries for that dog, so that they will hopefully grow up to be the best companion we could ever wish for.

I always had my own rules. They sometimes varied, depending on the circumstances. Different dogs, different parts of my journey in life, living with others that also have a say over the dog… When I divorced, and was able to keep Arwen with me, things changed…

Of course I didn’t change all the rules that Arwen had known during the first few years that she lived with me and the now ex. But, I had my own ways, and slowly, Arwen adjusted to them. She never seemed to mind, and at times, she seemed to flourish better when she was allowed all that I offered her. She turned out to be the best companion, the most loyal furry soulmate, that I had ever had in my life. She’s been gone got about 11 months now, and I still miss her like crazy…

But now, there is a new dog in my life. A beautiful chocolate Labrador boy named Koa Koolani. Originally, I was “getting” myself another gall again. But, the second gall pup wasn’t strong enough… 😢 And she passed away just after her birth. Things were sad and I was so down, and then came the news that a boy had become available. It wasn’t what I had been “getting ready” for, but after a short while, I accepted him to become my boy. 6 weeks of waiting until they had their name-days. Then two weeks of bonding with my boy, before he was allowed to come home with me.

And, as I start writing this, he’s been with me for 4 weeks now. When this post will be all done and ready for sharing, it will be closer to 7 weeks. But, the “point” I am writing about will still me the same: setting the rules for my young dude…

I never had a male puppy. And I never had a dog that had been characterized as being an alpha type of personality.

The “alpha dog” concept largely stemmed from outdated 1970s studies on unrelated, captive wolves forced to live together, which showed high levels of aggression and competition. When applied to domestic dogs, the “alpha” label became a catch-all for a specific set of behaviors.
While modern veterinary behaviorists and trainers avoid the term because it implies a flawed desire for “dominance” over humans, classic puppy aptitude tests (like the Volhard Puppy Aptitude Test) and traditional trainers did look for specific character traits when slapping on the “alpha” label.
A male dog labeled as an “alpha” typically exhibits a combination of high confidence, low compliance, and intense environmental sensitivity.

Key Character Traits Labeled as “Alpha”

1. High Assertiveness and Social Confidence

These dogs are entirely self-assured in new environments and around new stimuli.

• The Trait: They don’t look to humans or other dogs for reassurance. When entering a new room, they march right in with a high tail carriage and erect ears, immediately exploring the perimeter.
• In Testing: During a “social attraction” or “following” test, an “alpha” puppy doesn’t just follow the tester with a wagging tail; they might walk ahead, ignore the tester entirely, or bite at their shoes and tug on their pant legs rather than greeting them submissively.

2. High Resistance to Physical Restraint (Low Submission)

This is the single biggest marker used in traditional puppy testing to identify a dominant or “alpha” personality.

• The Trait: Extreme resistance to being handled, physically guided, or restricted.
• In Testing: In an “elevation test” (cradling the puppy off the ground) or an “inversion test” (gently holding the puppy on its back), a typical puppy might struggle briefly and then accept it. A puppy labeled “alpha” will fight fiercely, growl, rigidify its body, and attempt to bite the tester’s hands to regain control. They do not yield easily to physical pressure.

3. Intense Resource Valuation (Possessiveness)

What looks like “dominance” is often an incredibly high drive to possess and guard items.

• The Trait: High possessiveness over food, toys, sleeping spaces, or even preferred people.
• In Testing: If a tester tries to take a toy away or touches the puppy while eating, an “alpha-labeled” dog responds with an immediate, stiff body posture, staring, growling, or snapping. They value their resources intensely and are willing to use force to keep them.

4. Low Tendency to Please (Independent Motivation)

These dogs are not inherently motivated by human praise or attention; they are motivated by what they want out of a situation.

• The Trait: High independence and low compliance. They are highly intelligent but use that intelligence to problem-solve for their own benefit rather than figuring out what the human wants.
• In Testing: During a retrieval test, they might chase the object, grab it, and run away to a corner to chew it alone, actively resisting any commands to bring it back.

5. High Sensitivity to Movement and Correction

Rather than backing down when corrected or startled, these dogs naturally tend to move toward the pressure or threat.

• The Trait: If startled by a sudden noise or an umbrella opening, instead of hiding or freezing, an “alpha” personality dog is more likely to bark, charge, or aggressively investigate the object.

What Science Tells Us They Actually Are

When behaviorists look at dogs historically labeled as “alphas,” they rarely see a dog trying to “rule the household.” Instead, they usually diagnose one of two things:

• The Truly Confident, High-Drive Working Dog: A dog with incredible genetic stamina, high toy/prey drive, and immense confidence. These dogs need a clear job and highly consistent, positive boundaries, or they will simply run the household out of boredom.
• The Fear-Aggressive or Insecure Dog: Ironically, many adult dogs labeled “alpha” by their owners because they growl or snap are actually deeply insecure. A truly confident dog rarely needs to display aggression; it is the anxious dog that uses offensive postures to force people and other animals to stay away.
  Today, rather than calling these dogs “alpha,” behaviorists use more accurate terms like high-status, highly independent, resilient, or resource-protective.

After spending several weeks with Koa, I recognize some of the traits mentioned, but not all of them. He can be confident, but he can also have a big “nope” when it comes to certain types of new things. But he is very strong willed, and I have to make sure that I follow the rules that I want him to learn. I sometimes catch myself making exceptions, and I know this is not what Koa needs most from me.

I sometimes feel weird, setting rules over Koa. My brain goes like: you want a dog, but you want it to be a “modified” one, not able to live his own way of life. I sometimes think that it’s mean to not allow Koa to do all sorts of things. While I know that a dog with proper rules and structure will grow to be a happier and more stable dog (most of the times). I know I felt this way with Arwen and Chance as well, but then, it wasn’t just me raising the pups, and we discussed the rules, so it felt less like me being mean.

I know I am not mean. I know I allow quite a few things, but not the bad/damaging/dangerous ones. Heck, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I even feel like a bad person when I crate Koa several times a day… But still, I know it’s to protect both him and me, and my skin and things. Still, setting up rules, restricting Koa in ways, it sometimes just makes me feel like a mean person.

Because I struggled with these feelings and emotions, I asked Gemini about it. And, it confirmed what I was already thinking. I know that AI makes mistakes, but when it confirms what I was thinking, besides the “I don’t like being mean to Koa” bits, I think I am doing a good enough “job” with my little dude. I asked Gemini this question: “Does setting stricter rules with a puppy make for a happier dog as he matures? I heard that dogs can thrive when they know their boundaries and what is expected of them. But sometimes I feel like a mean person when I set rules for Koa and when I have to crate him several times.”.

Setting strict rules doesn’t make you a mean person—it actually provides a massive amount of mental relief for a puppy.
Dogs are inherently cooperative animals, but a human household is full of bizarre, unnatural rules to them (like not chewing on furniture or not greeting guests by launching into the air). When a puppy doesn’t have clear, consistent boundaries, they have to constantly guess what the right behavior is. That guessing game causes anxiety.
Clear boundaries aren’t about being harsh; they are about predictability. When Koa knows exactly where the lines are, his world becomes predictable, and a predictable world is a safe, stress-free world.
Here is how structure actually builds a happier adult dog, and why that crate is your best friend right now.

Why Boundaries Equal Freedom

It sounds counterintuitive, but the puppies with the tightest boundaries often grow into the adults with the most freedom. If you practice loose boundaries now… If you practice clear boundaries now… The puppy constantly tests limits to find where the line actually is, leading to frustration for both of you. The puppy learns the “rules of the game” quickly, leading to fewer corrections and more positive reinforcement. As an adult, the dog can’t be trusted off-leash, around guests, or left alone in the house. As an adult, the dog earns the freedom to go anywhere because their baseline behavior is reliable.

The “Mean” Crate Myth

Feeling guilty about crating Koa is incredibly common, but it helps to look at it through a canine lens rather than a human one.
To a human, a crate looks like a restriction of freedom. To a puppy, a properly introduced crate is a den.

• Puppies need an absurd amount of sleep: A young puppy needs around 18 to 20 hours of sleep a day. Left to their own devices, they will often override their own tiredness, become overtired, and morph into a land-shark (nipping, barking, zooming).
• The crate is a biological off-switch: Just like a toddler, a puppy often needs to be put in a quiet space to finally close their eyes. Enforced naps in the crate aren’t a punishment; they are essential for their brain development and emotional regulation.
• Safety when unsupervised: Crating Koa when you can’t watch him keeps him from eating something dangerous or forming bad habits (like chewing baseboards) while your back is turned.

The Expert Take: You aren’t locking him away; you are protecting him from his own curiosity and giving his nervous system a chance to rest.

Reframing “Strict” to “Consistent”

Instead of thinking of yourself as “strict,” try shifting the word to “consistent.”
Being strict implies severity or harshness, which you don’t need at all. Being consistent just means that the rules don’t change based on your mood. If Koa isn’t allowed on the couch on Tuesday, he shouldn’t be allowed on the couch on Friday just because it’s the weekend. Changing the rules confuses them; keeping them identical every day is the kindest thing you can do.
You are doing a great job. Setting boundaries now is an investment in making Koa a confident, relaxed, and welcome companion everywhere he goes as an adult.

It feels weird still, that I am in this “powerful” position, to decide what someone else, a dog in this case, is allowed to do. And, I even control when he is allowed certain things, or when he needs to do certain things. Maybe it’s the power thing that I am struggling with, because I don’t feel really comfortable being in such a position, in “ruling” over a life in this way. But, I know that Koa needs it, and that I need it s well. And I know that Arwen turned out to be a GREAT gall in all ways possible… So… I am trying to be confident that I have what it takes to make Koa’s life a good one too…

To be continued…

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