I guess that getting the news of needing another serious surgery has thrown me off my game more than I realized at first. Sure, I panicked. I freaked out, knowing I need yet another hip sugery, knowing I will have a very restricted life again for at least 6 weeksโฆ I was upset, I felt disappointed, sad, and even angry. And then I thought that it settled down a bit. I felt like I was accepting the situation. Itโs not like I could change the situation in any way anyway. I mean, the socket is coming loose and it needs to be reattached. So better sooner, rather than laterโฆ
But then, my ADHD started to explode! Like my thoughts were on fire, as they were before I started taking the meds. Sometimes I wonder how I managed to get through the day before I had them, as even days like these, where the brain feels like itโs high on something, while I am on my meds, I struggle so much to get by. I struggle to do my chores, to focus on things that I want to do, or need to do, and I canโt even seem to enjoy the hobbies that usually relax me.
I had to really work hard to keep my focus on something. For some reason, the only thing that seemed to go โeasyโ for me, was writing. My thoughts just wanted to come out. The needed to be freed, to be explored, to be seen and heard.
I wish I knew what I could do to put my brain at ease again. Just to have it relax some more, as itโs also disrupting my sleep. I go to bed at my usual time. I take my usual supplements. I set my alarm at a reasonable time, so Iโll be up again in time for Arwen. But latelyโฆ My brain and body just wake up an hour early and then they wonโt let me get back to sleep. Which means that I have been running on less sleep for the last few weeksโฆ And it makes things even harder. Dealing with a busy brain on less sleep ads extra challengesโฆ
The busy brain is not letting me do things I like to do. I either canโt concentrate, or I get so exhausted, that I still canโt concentrate. It also messes with my motivation. I wanna do things, not just the usual chores, and I canโt seem go get myself to do them. Even doing things for my health, for which I was very motivated at the start of the year, are things that I canโt seem to get myself to do.
I plan, I get all these ideas, and it feels good that I have these positive plans. It feels good to know that I โcould doโ all these things that will help me to feel better in the end. I wanna do these exercises, I wanna get fitter and stronger, but when the moment has arrived where I can actually do these things, I just feel so exhausted and demotivatedโฆ
I try to push myself, and sometimes I do succeed. Maybe Iโll do it less than I wanted to, but Iโll take โa little of itโ over โnone of itโ. But it slows down any of my progress, because I am just not doing the work that I should be doingโฆ
flic.kr/p/2qfqhVd
Itโs hard to explain how an ADHD brain is behaving when itโs bouncing all over the place. When I had that brain scan many moons ago, my rested brain functionality was at about 150% of โnormalโ activity. And that was when I was slowly falling asleep! So how can I explain the state of my brain when I feel itโs at double the activity that it was during that test? Is there anything I can compare it to that would make sense to a neurotypical person?
So I did this thing where I tried to ask this question go ChatGPT. I know itโs results arenโt always the best, but I tried the Duck and it just didnโt come up with anything that I could use hereโฆ So this is what Bing told me:
Explaining an overstimulated ADHD brain to neurotypical individuals can help foster empathy and understanding. Hereโs one way to do it:1. **Sensory Overload**: Imagine being in a room with loud music, flashing lights, and multiple people talking all at once. For someone with ADHD, this can be what their brain feels like during moments of overstimulation.
2. **Difficulty Filtering**: Picture your brain as a TV with too many channels playing simultaneously. For a person with ADHD, it can be tough to focus on just one channel while ignoring the others.
3. **Restlessness and Impulsivity**: Think of having a motor running inside you that doesnโt have an off switch. This can result in feeling an intense need to keep moving or talking.
4. **Hyperfocus**: Sometimes, the ADHD brain can become intensely focused on one task to the exclusion of all else. This can be both a gift and a challenge, as it can be difficult to shift attention away once locked in.
5. **Exhaustion**: Constantly managing these stimuli can be very tiring, leading to mental and physical fatigue.
6. **Emotional Sensitivity**: Emotions can be felt more intensely and changes can happen rapidly, often without apparent reason.
By using relatable analogies like these, neurotypical individuals might better understand the experience of someone with ADHD and why certain environments or tasks
So this doesnโt look too bad I guessโฆ I used overstimulation in my question, as that how it feels when my brain is bouncing all over the place.
I think I already am on a reasonably high dose of methylphenidate, as I have three dosages of 20mgr a time a day. So I have no idea if it would be possible to (temporarily) up it some? If that would help? But could I then get back to a lower dosage, or will my brain get used to the higher dosage, should I get thatโฆ But if I donโt know the cause of the ADHD being more stimulated, will meds help at all? Should I just muster through? As Iโve gone years without meds? And I do have a decent dosage already?
So many questions, but will I try to get any answers? Part of me just feels too tired to investigate it and Iโll just go with the flow and see where it leads meโฆ Ughโฆ Long live AuDHD, where the brain can either be your greatest ally but also the biggest enemyโฆ
To be continuedโฆ
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tl;dr
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Sensitive content
Pixy's Journey
Unknown parent • • •Awwwww ๐ฅฐ that means so much to me!
I just hate it when my mind does things like this to me and my emotions... ๐
Fankoos for your kind words! I always appreciate your replies and I try to engage with your toots when I see them as well. ๐
I am really touched by your kind words!
Cazimodo Creative
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Sensitive content
Pixy's Journey
in reply to Cazimodo Creative • • •Pixy's Journey
Unknown parent • • •It's definitely not fair... ๐
Fankoos for the hugs! They were very needed and very welcome.
Pixy's Journey
Unknown parent • • •Awwww
Looking for explanationsโฆ
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Sensitive content
Yes, you are trying too hard, because thatโs what we do.
No, youโre not boring us.
Give yourself a big hug from me.
Pixy's Journey
in reply to Looking for explanationsโฆ • • •Awwww
And yeah, I guess it's what we do...
And yay, glad I'm not boring you! That's good to know.
Kevin Davy
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •Sensitive content
Just keep being you and doing what you're doing. It's all any of us can do.
โค๏ธ
Pixy's Journey
in reply to Kevin Davy • • •Awww fankoos ๐
I have no idea either... But I just felt like I was doing everything wrong, like I was upsetting people or boring them, and due to past trauma, I'll go into an anxiety attack where I just trash myself for doing nothing right... ๐ It's very self destructive and painful. That's why I wanted to share it. Because it has such an impact on me.
Fankoos ๐ซถ๐ป again. And yeah I'll keep going and hope that I'll do OK enough. ๐