The first month of 2025, I didn’t have too much progress. Well, there was some, but I still have a long way to go. So well, now it’s February, as I start writing this, and that means I have 28 days to make the best of it, and hopefully have some positive results by the time this post gets ready to be shared…

I know losing weight takes time. I know it also takes effort. And motivation. And energy… And some of these things can be hard to come by, when you are dealing with chronic pain and an eating disorder. But, that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible! It mostly means that it’s a bit harder on me. I know it’s never easy to change your fitness and improve your health. OK, there are exceptions where it looks like it comes “easy” to some folks… But unfortunately, I am not one of these folks…

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Next up, the stats sheet for February 1st. I’ll mention the same stats below the image. And I’ll end this post with the stats of February 27th, as this post goes live on the 28th, so it should give something to compare to. Plus, I’ll have all the stats of this month in the app then, after the error I got at the end of last month, so it will be easier to get a comparison for this post.

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So not many huge differences after 31 days. But, to be fair, I did struggle the first few weeks of January, and my highest weight that month was at 83,1kg on January 6th, So I did lose some weight and all, just not much compared to the beginnings of January and February.

I have started to try and use my rower again. The hip and hands don’t always agree, but I’ve started this month with rowing 1km. It may not be much, but it is a good place to start. Better to row 1km every day, and hopefully slowly increase the intensity, than to not row at all. 😉

I am trying to get enough exercise in. I am trying to eat healthier at times. Some days I succeed, other days… Not so much. And it is hard to keep myself motivated to keep doing the strength exercises. The strength area at the gym is usually busier than the cardio side. And I enjoy the cardio more, as somehow it’s easier on me. I used to hit the gym a bit later, especially before the move, and then it was always a bit less busy (then, I do think Cuijk was less busy during the evening/night than Oss is), which made it easier.

I am thinking if there is a way that I can get to bed a bit later again, so I can get up later again, and have more relaxed times at the gym, with less people around. But, with the walking with Arwen and the neighbor and her dog, I am kinda used to the new routine now. And, knowing there will be a surgery coming again, I wonder if I can work out a new routine before that, or maybe it would be easier to keep going now, and change it up a bit after the surgery and recovery have happened. But, of course I have no idea on when that surgery will be. First I need the puncture test, which will happen March 12th. Then I will learn if I need antibiotics first, or if the surgery can be scheduled without that… Knowing it takes me some time to learn and get used to a new routine…🤔

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Anywhoo….. Getting the exercises in. Trying to snack less. Trying to eat some healthier meals. Making sure that I get to bed in time, and have enough hours to recharge, if my body and brain allow me some good sleep.

I’m struggling, a lot. Even when I think I’m doing some things right, I don’t see “quick results” in the numbers from my scale, and it kicks me down again. And that’s so silly, as I know better! I know that I need to keep doing the good things for more days to get any success. I know change takes time! Heck, I’ve been here before, too many times, and I know so well what I need to do… And then… I don’t! 😢

And I wish I knew why… I think it’s partially due to a depression trying to get a hold of me, as I struggle with the idea of needing a hip surgery this year. Maybe it’s my autism sliding into a meltdown, knowing my life will be disrupted, knowing I’ll be in discomfort and restricted for several weeks after the surgery has been performed. I don’t even know when it will be yet, as I need the puncture first to check for any infections, and then I’ll know more. As mentioned, the puncture isn’t till March 12th, and I don’t know how fast I’ll get the results… So I still have time to work on my health, if only my body and brain would cooperate better…

But me feeling bläh, dealing with the negative emotions and feelings and fears, it’s also triggering my binge eating disorder again. I know I need to cut down on the suger/candy. And I’ve done it before, and I feel like an addict that needs to go through withdrawal of it. And I buy less candy now. But I still buy it. I still have these cravings, where I know I’ve had enough good food, and still I’ll feel weak, dizzy, shaking, like I need that sugar in order to feel better again. And I know that if I am strong enough to ignore it, it will pass away. But it takes so long, and it makes me feel so weak… So it’s just “easier” to give in. Eat the candy and instantly feel better. And then… Cannot stop eating the candy, because I am enjoying the feeling that it gives me… So I know it’s just like an addiction, with the craving and the physical reactions to it. And, like a weak fool that I am, I keep giving in and… It makes it nearly impossible to better my health and weight…

And it’s not really motivating me that, knowing my weight was 80,4kg on January 1st, and on February 11th, it’s still/again 80,4. I know that early January, I did gain some weight and I did manage to lose that again. But I feel like I’ve hit a plateau again and I need to find a way to deal with that. And it’s hard. I know I should change the routine a bit, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do. I am trying to buy more healthy food, I am trying to do different exercises, and by changing my bed time and routine, so I can get to the gym a little later again, hoping it will be less busy… Which could hopefully help me in getting back to using the Smith Machine again, as I do miss those exercises… And I miss the arms and shoulders I had when I used it regularly… 😔

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I do try to row more on my machine, when my hip allows it. It is a workout for both legs and arms, even though I don’t put it on a too high setting, as I don’t want to overdo it and hurt myself. I don’t always feel like rowing, and some days, I just can’t due to my hip and/or hands. But, I do try when I can… Slowly trying to improve the row time and the intensity of the workout.

But yeah, I do hope that, at the end of this month, the scale will be a bit more positive with it’s numbers. I know I am at fault for not making the weight get any lower… And I blame myself for messing up, again and again… But I do hope that, by changing a few things, I can get this stupid plateau sorted, so that I can start improving again.

But so far, around the 20th, I seemed to have gained more weight than that I’ve lost, since the start of the month… The plateau is real, the mental struggles are real, the physical ones just so… I keep training as much as my brain and body allow, it not seeing big improvements is making it harder for me to keep motivated about it..

I know that I’d be worse off if I stopped the exercises. I know things would be even worse if I didn’t get to do my exercises, if I didn’t try to mind my food and just let myself go wild. But I guess it’s even harder when the numbers you see aren’t acknowledging the work you try to put in there… If that makes sense. 🤔

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Alt text for the image, made by Bing:

The image is a detailed comparison of body composition measurements taken on two different dates, February 1, 2025, at 22:03, and February 19, 2025, at 23:06. The data is presented in a table format with various metrics listed, showing changes over an 18-day period. The metrics include:

• Weight (kg): Increased from 79.5 kg to 81.4 kg, a change of +1.9 kg.
• BMI: Increased from 27.5 to 28.2, a change of +0.7.
• Body fat (%): Decreased from 32.1% to 29.7%, a change of -2.4%.
• Muscle rate (%): Increased from 63.4% to 65.6%, a change of +2.2%.
• Skeletal muscle (%): No change.
• Lean body mass (kg): Increased by 1.5 kg.
• Subcutaneous fat (%): Decreased from 23.8% to 22.1%, a change of -1.7%.
• Visceral fat: Decreased by 1.
• Muscle mass (kg): Increased from 60.0 kg to 61.7 kg, a change of +1.7 kg.
• Bone mass (kg): No change.
• Body water (%): Increased from 53.4% to 54.9%, a change of +1.5%.
• Protein (%): Increased from 17.6% to 18.5%, a change of +0.9%.
• BMR (kcal): Increased by 31 kcal.
• Body age: Reduced by 1 year.
• Fat mass (kg): Decreased from 25.5 kg to 24.2 kg, a change of -1.3 kg.
• Water weight (kg): Increased by 1.3 kg.
• Protein mass (kg): Increased by 1.0 kg.

The image is from Silvergear Fit, with the tagline “Know your body better.”

So my weight increased, but the fat decreased and the muscle increased, which should be something to be happy about. But for some reason, my brain just focuses on the silly weight numbers too much…

Unfortunately, the numbers of the scale’s measurements can fluctuate a lot with only 24 hours in between. Not the weight as much, but more the fat and muscle percentages. I know it’s a cheaper model, so the measurements aren’t all 100% accurate. Heck, I guess even the more expensive ones aren’t always 100% accurate (although I do wonder how much better they would be, if they would be worth the extra costs… 🤔). But the drop/rise of some percentages that I saw between the 21st and 22nd of this month…

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Alt text by Bing, made for the image above:

The image shows two side-by-side body composition analysis reports from Silvergear Fit for an individual named Cyni, a 44-year-old female with a height of 170 cm. The reports are dated February 21, 2025, at 22:01 and February 22, 2025, at 23:19, respectively. Each report includes detailed measurements and evaluations of various body composition metrics, including weight, body fat, inorganic salt, protein, body water, muscle, and skeletal muscle. The reports also feature muscle fat analysis, obesity analysis, segmental fat analysis, muscle balance, bioelectrical impedance, and other indicators such as visceral fat grade, basal metabolic rate, fat-free body weight, subcutaneous fat, SMI, and body age. The left report shows a body score of 84/100 points, while the right report shows a body score of 79/100 points. Both reports include visual representations of segmental fat analysis and muscle balance, as well as detailed numerical data for each metric.

But as you probably can see, it says my weight dropped with 0,4 kilo. But, my fat percentage increased with a staggering 2,9%, while my muscles dropped with 2,6%. And I guess that is quite a big change to happen within 25 hours… And I know I didn’t do all my strength exercises that day, but I did watch my food intake, I did get my goals and all that. So I sometimes do wonder how the scale measures these bits and bops…

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This image presents a comprehensive health report generated by Silvergear Fit, summarizing body metrics tracked over a period of 27 days for an individual named Cynni, from February 1, 2025, at 22:03, to February 28, 2025, at 23:33. The report highlights changes across various health parameters, displaying both the starting and ending values, along with the numerical differences and directional indicators (arrows).

Metrics include:

• Weight (kg): Increased from 79.5 to 80.5 (+1.0).
• BMI: Increased from 27.5 to 27.9 (+0.4).
• Body Fat (%): Decreased from 32.1 to 30.3 (-1.9).
• Muscle Rate (%): Improved from 63.4 to 65.0 (+1.6).
• Skeletal Muscle (%): Rose from 38.2 to 39.3 (+1.1).
• Lean Body Mass (kg): Increased from 54.0 to 56.1 (+2.1).
• Subcutaneous Fat (%): Dropped from 22.9 to 21.6 (-1.3).
• Visceral Fat: Remained steady at 10.0.
• Muscle Mass (kg): Gained from 50.4 to 52.3 (+1.9).
• Bone Mass (kg): Increased from 3.6 to 3.9 (+0.3).
• Body Water (%): Improved from 49.8 to 51.1 (+1.3).
• Protein (%): Increased from 13.6 to 13.9 (+0.3).
• BMR (kcal): Went up from 1536 to 1581 (+45).
• Body Age: Reduced from 45 to 43 (-2 years).
• Fat Mass (kg): Decreased from 25.5 to 24.4 (-1.1).
• Water Weight (kg): Increased from 39.6 to 41.1 (+1.5).
• Protein Mass (kg): Improved from 10.8 to 11.2 (+0.4).

The data is visually organized with a professional layout. Each metric’s change is represented with an arrow beside the numerical difference. At the bottom of the image, the Silvergear Fit logo and tagline, “Know your body better,” are displayed, reinforcing the brand’s focus on health awareness and fitness tracking.

So yeah…. I gained weight. But… Some stats have improved a little. Fat went down some, muscles slightly improved… So that’s good…

I’m bummed that the weight is still above the 80 kilos. Sometimes it dips a little below the 80, but never too long… 😔

But!!! I’m not giving up. I know I can do this. And I know that the work that I am dojng does help. As I’ve not gained a massive amount of weight yet… I know my muscles seem to be improving some. I feel that my pants are a little more loose now, as I’ve lost some fat.

I just wish that I were better at pushing myself to do the exercises that I’m less good at. As I do know that they help me. I just feel like I’m too bad at them. And instead of getting practice to get better, I keep avoiding them, with all silly excuses…

Hey ho! March is here. Let’s see if I can get some progress now. At least this month has three more days to do some good 😉 (trying to think positive)…

To be continued… 💪🏼

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