Changes in me – procrastination…
I’ve always been someone that put their words and thoughts into immediate actions. Too hyper and impulsive, sometimes driven by a narrow and strong (hyper) focus… It needed to be done now. It needed to be done to perfection. It could definitely not wait…
This was before I knew that I was NeuroSpicy 🌶️. Ow, I knew that I was different, but I didn’t know what, how, or why. When I got diagnosed, it started to make more sense… But, now I’m aging. I’m single. I’m in the Peri-menopause. My body is in need of another surgery. And I notice that the immediate drive to do it all and to do it now is not that present anymore. I seem to be “getting better” at procrastinating… Which I don’t like at all!
What is procrastination then?
If you have ADHD, then you’ve probably found yourself struggling with procrastination—it seems like you’re constantly putting off important tasks until the last possible moment, leaving you scrambling under the pressure to get things done. Everyone procrastinates sometimes, but the characteristics of ADHD—like distractibility and problems with executive functions— can make it a particularly challenging problem.It’s not about low interest or lack of willpower. Instead, it all boils down to how the ADHD brain functions, including differences in executive function and motivation.
Procrastination involves delaying a task or decision that needs to be completed by a specific deadline. When we are faced with a task that we just don’t want to do, many of us will put it off until tomorrow, setting it aside until we feel less overwhelmed with all our other responsibilities or simply waiting until we have more energy to tackle the task on a new day.
More info can be found through the link.
I start my night with the usual routine. Care for Arwen, hit the gym, go out on SniffiVerse™ walkies… I usually think of several chores that I need to do that day, so that I can relax when those chores have been done. I’ve been doing this for a while now, and it always seemed to work. I got the chores done and then I had “me time”.
I used to be so driven! If I went for it, I got it done. If something needed to be done, there was no “ah, I’ll do it later”, there was “I’ll do it now and get it over with”. And that always helped me so much. But the last few months, I’ve been slowly changing. I’ve been noticing me thinking like “ah, I still need to do that”, or “I should have done that yesterday”. And, I dislike it!
It’s not just with the chores at home. It’s also with fun things, like gaming. I’d be all excited to game after the chores had been done, and then I just go “ah, I feel too bläh right now”. Also, it affects my gym/exercises. I know what I should be doing. I know it all too well. And then, when I should be doing it, there’s all these excuses to why I can’t be doing it just now…
And, I think I do more than “disliking” it, I’m pretty sure that I am hating it! Because things don’t get done in time anymore. I keep seeing things that “I wanna get done”, and I just… Don’t do them… Until they really need doing, and then I’ll stress to get it all sorted in the nick of time. And, because I wasted so much time, I have more anxiety about getting it done, which results in me doing less of a good job than I could/would have done, if I had “just” done it in the first place…
When faced with a challenging task, procrastination offers them a way to stop dealing with an unpleasant problem that they may feel is too difficult for their abilities.In other words, because it feels too overwhelming to deal with in the moment, people with ADHD sometimes cope by just not dealing with it. Putting it off minimizes stress in the short term, even though it ends up creating even more stress in the future.
And the silly thing is, I get it with simple chores as well. Chores that I know I can easily do, like refill the containers of Arwen’s snacks. Chores that I have the means for, like hoovering and mopping, or dusting. My body won’t always agree with that, but it’s also an excuse at times… I’ve never been the lazy type. Even after surgeries, I always wanted to remain active. But now, when I struggle with my exercises, when I can’t be “bothered” to play a game that I usually enjoy…
It’s like I’m not myself anymore… 😔
When I got worse with the symptoms of fibro, I changed loads. I mourned the person I used to be. I missed the energy that I always had. I hated the pain that I needed to live with now. But, after some months of grieving and adapting, I got back to being more active again, within the limits of my spoons and body. And now, I’m losing parts of that…
Will it be temporary? Is this linked to my bad hip and the start of the peri-menopause? Or is this stress messing with my ADHD, making it harder for me to deal with everyday tasks? Is there a way to overcome this? To be more like the person I used to be? Not thinking that I should do it, but actually just getting it done…
I guess only time will tell… And me? I guess I’ll just “keep trying” best I can, and often feeling like I’m a failure, cause this “best of me now” is nothing compared to what it used to be… 😔
To be continued… I guess…
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The Relationship Between ADHD and Procrastination
Learn the relationship between ADHD and procrastination, including how they are linked, their effects, and factors that may make someone with ADHD procrastinate.Keath Low (Verywell Mind)
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