I’ve always had a busy brain. A million thoughts. A thousand ideas. All these plans with things that I would love to do. Busy, busy, and very busy. I never knew any better. And, before I got Fibro, I was able to keep up with my brain, I was able to keep it satisfied and content. But, as my body was failing to keep up with the activities that my brain was used to, I started to struggle some.
For about 1,5 years now, I have been taking ADHD meds and… They meant a change for me. I had a little less issues with getting to sleep. I was able to focus on things better. To actually make plans of things that I was able to do. And, even though it was less than my brain was hoping for, it was at least a bit easier to satisfy it with the things I could do…
But lately, I have been struggling more. I had these thoughts of doing this or that, usually things that I could easily do, and I found myself struggling to actually do them. I have more issues with concentrating. I have more headaches. I have weird dreams and I often wake up, still feeling tired.
Simple things, as eating properly, getting my exercises in, playing a game… It was getting harder to deal with. So, I finally scheduled an appointment with my GP. But, as things are with health care here, to find a day and time that suited me, it meant that the appointment was over 3 weeks away from the moment I scheduled it.
And I know my issue wasn’t life threatening. I know I have managed without the meds for quite some time, and I still have them, so I still get something out of them. But, it feels like they are abandoning me. My eyes hurt, I feel tired a lot, my brain is a big mess of all these thoughts and ideas and feelings.
I guess part of it could be triggered with the stressful things that have been happening. The financial mess my male ex is making with the house we still have (I really can’t wait till we can finally sell it). The issues with my hip, and it needing another surgery. Needing to get a grip on all of my finances, as some have changed due to the move and all. Being afraid that some day, I will wake up, or come home from the gym, and find that Arwen may have left me… 😔 So yeah, maybe the stress is getting to me as well. So it may be even more important to reach out and ask for help, discuss the options, if there are any…
So maybe these additional symptoms are just temporary. Maybe they will get better as some things may improve, or at least become less uncertain? But until then, I may need some additional help to keep my brain in a better condition. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had so many of these days.
flic.kr/p/2qPFmbT
They start OK, most of the time. I have plans, ideas, of things that I could be doing during that day. I start doing them. Sometimes it goes well, other times, my body is more reluctant… But then, when the needed chores have neem done, or even before that, I start rouget a bad headache. My eyes become very sensitive to light (even more than usual). There is this pounding behind my eyes. I need to take a painkiller, hope that it will help, and have a dark room to lay down in. Sometimes I need silly distraction, as my mind can be racing like crazy.
Some days it’s not too bad, and it goes within an hour. But some days… It’s making my eyes water, I can’t focus, I’m so sensitive to everything and when it’s finally fading again, I feel so exhausted… Ugh…
So I’ll just have to keep going for now. I need to find the best way to deal with this, and hope that I’ll always be able to provide my brain the calm and dark it needs when ti’s this bad. But if course it also happens when I have appointments, and then I’ll just have to make it happen somehow…
I wish it were just an easy case of “just don’t do that and it will be better”. But with mental health issues, it’s never that easy. And there are so many influences that can have a negative effect on how I am doing… Even if I would stay in a dark and quiet room all day, I would still struggle…
Stress, hormones, pain, anxiety, changes, worries… These things “just” keep happening, and most aren’t under my control, unfortunately…
Step by step, day by day… Trying to do everything I can to keep it as bearable as I can. Taking my meds, trying to laten to my body, planning things so it’s not all coming at once…
To be continued…
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