Our adventure is slowly ending…
…which, of course, feels too fast and too soon… 😢
When you start a journey together with a furry love, a choccy Lab for me, you know that the chances are high that you’ll outlive the pet. Dogs generally don’t get that old, and especially the larger breeds don’t age that high as some smaller breeds tend to do. But, in the years that you’ll be on that journey together, they give you so much happiness and love… 💜 Which of course makes it even harder to let go, when the journey comes to an end…
I’ve had dogs before. I grew up with dogs. I’ve loved and lost them in the past. And all were special, in their own ways of enjoying life. But now, I’m on my own. It’s been just me and Arwen for over 6 years now… She’s been in my life since she was 3 weeks (don’t worry! We didn’t take her home until she was 8½ weeks young) old. And now… She may not live to see her 12th birthday. We’ve seen a lot together, as I previously shared here: Time running out… And I guess this is a kind of “follow up” on that post…
When you love a dog, when you’ve been though highs and lows together, when you’ve been each other’s bestest companions, realizing that time is coming to and end, well… It breaks me! 💔 My autistic side is trying to prepare for everything, so that things may be “easier” to deal with, when that time comes… 🌈 I’ve even started Another hard thing… (blog about a currently running GoFundMe), so I can have the funds for a private cremation and urn, when Arwen’s soul has left her earthly body… So I can take her home, have her with me, and so that I can use some of her ashes to create a special pendant. I wanna keep her close to me, wherever I go.
She’s given me a reason to keep living, back in June 2018, when I got slammed with a very nasty divorce, and I lost all will to live (A lifesaver). She showed me that, however fat or sad, broken or worn down, I was, that she would be there for me all the way. The 13 months after my OD attempt were hard on her. She got less walks, I cried a lot, I slept a lot. But, if it hadn’t been for her, I would not have left the house. Even though we only had short walks, we did go out. She gave me some sort of routine, when I completely lost mine.
I have no idea how much time she still has to give me. Some moments, I wonder if they are her last ones… Other moments, she behaves like nothing is wrong, and she’s still happy and energetic (within certain limits, of course). But when she struggles, it’s hard for me to deal with. And of course I don’t want to lose her, but she shouldn’t suffer for me either…
With the help of the FediVerse, I’ve been able to raise enough funds for a private cremation and an urn. Should her time come, then I’m sure that I have the funds to take her back home with me. Which is hard to think about. But it also gives me some comfort, knowing I will be able to do just that.
I’m trying to enjoy every minute I have with her. Of course, I’m so trying to keep living my life. But every time I go to bed, when I leave the house, when I leave the room even… I fear that this may be the last time I have seen her alive. And that fear is hurting me so much! I know I should not think like this. But my brain just wants to keep it realistic, and that’s hard to deal with.
I want to give her all that I can, fun wise, meds wise, comfort wise. I know that she loves the Herperduin, and when it seems like she will be up for a visit, I will definitely take her as often as I can. But she always wants to go to the water side, and after that, we need to walk back to Skoosh. So I can’t just park near the water, and have her get in Skoosh when she gets to tired. But, I promised her, if she would be up for it, and if the weather will allow, I will take her any chance we get.
I have given her all the nomnoms, but with her being less active now, she’s had the same issue as I had… Too many nomnoms and not enough exercise. So I have to do my best to limit the nomnoms some, as she’s a bit too heavy. My silly sense of humor, and I think it was fueled by my anxiety and fear, already told her that I’ll need to carry her to the crematorium when he soul has passed the rainbow 🌈 bridge, and she should not be too heavy for me to do that. I need to be able to do it myself, I can’t just ask someone else to carry the body of my beloved pet to such a place… 😢
Every night, when we’re able to walk the SniffiVerse™ walkies, I will try to get at least a few selfies with my gall. Some turn out to be “just us”, and some turn out just wonderful, even better than “just us”, if you get what I mean. 😉 It may be silly to do this, but I enjoy having this little moment with her, where we’re catching a small memory. But that memory may be so much more, once I won’t be able to take these selfies anymore… I rather have hundreds of these pictures, than don’t do them and be sad afterwards, when there are no more chances to capture our silly faces together anymore…
Our time may be running out fast. But maybe, Arwen will surprise me… Maybe she will be with me when I get my surgery done. Ow, how I would love to have her at my side then! But, not at all costs… I would never want that… If Arwen shows me that it’s time, I need to see that, and I need to honor that. However hard it will be. I owe her that much, at least…
I have loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her. I could see she was special. And I could not have imagined how special she would turn out to be. How important she would become. How much I would rely on her. When she came into my life, I could never have foreseen all that would happen during our journey together… We surely had our ups and downs. And I will be there for her, as she’s been there for me. Till death do us part… 💔
One more step, until the time comes… You are loved, and you will never be forgotten… Hopefully we will have many steps left in our journey. Every one is special…
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below, or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. You can also comment when you see this post as a Toot on the Fediverse, and I’ll be notified of that as well. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother with that…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
If you prefer to use PayPal, that’s also a possibility: PayPal.me/CynniPixy
Thanks ever so much 💜
20250419_021724
Night time selfie of a person and a chocolate brown Labrador with greying snout. The person is wearing a white-grey military camouflage jacket, yellow safety harness, red cap, silver headphones and blue-rimmed glasses.Flickr
Another hard thing…
…and I really hate needing to do it…
Trigger warning ⚠️ this post will discuss the passing of a beloved pet and what to do after that. It was very hard go write, so I recon it may be hard to read as well…As I write this, Arwen is walking in front of me, sniffing as she goes, relaxing and enjoying the walkies. We’re going a bit slower, she needs a rest every now and then, but she wags her tail, she comes for hugs… She’s showing me she’s having a good time. As I write this, I start crying and find out that I forgot my tissues…. Ah well… Sobbing mess it is…
A while ago, I shared a post about Arwen, and how our time together is slowly/quickly running out… Time running out… Since then, she’s had some ups and downs. And I need to be realistic. She may be terminal, she may be holding on to the last bits that she has to offer… And as I don’t want her to suffer, I’m doing my best to keep an eye out for any signs.
But it also means that I need to think about the “life after Arwen”, and yeah… For the moment, I just can’t imagine it… As I shared in the mentioned blog, she’s been with me through so much, and she’s such a big part of my life, of my routine, of my heart 💜.
And I knew that I wanted to have her cremated. An individual cremation, so they could get her ashes back to me in a nice urn. And I could take her home again. Even though she’s not been here for a year, this was her home with me. She was (still is) a huge part of me, and I need to keep her safe with me… And I really want to get a beautiful pendant that will include some of her ashes. I need her to stay with me. Not just in apart of my heart and memories, but with me…
Of course, this costs money. Money that I don’t have… Ever since the costs of the move were getting less, Arwen needed more medical attention, for which I received some very generous help as well! 💟 So, I feel really bad about asking for financial help again… I would be able to pay for my own dog. I should be a good hoomum and do this for her by myself. But, being chronically ill without the ability to work, it means having a lower income… And the move, the medical costs, and all that, yeah… Those funds have been used… 😔
So, I did one of the harder things again… I made a new GoFundMe… I found the website of the company that cremated Gina for is back in 2008. They did a good and respectful job, so now, when the time comes, I want to use their services again.
They have all the prices listed, so that’s very good. You can just check without needing to contact anyone about it and telling about the sad situation at hand… Arwen is about 36 kilos. That means a private cremation would be €290. She’s a big dog, so I took the price of a big but simple urn, which would come at €95.
So the basics of getting her home would.be about €400, which is my first goal for the GoFundMe: gofundme.com/f/AlwaysArwen. In the first update I shared, I also shared the pendant that I found that I would love to have. It’s not the cheapest one, but this one speaks to me, and the color of the raisin, that they use for the ashes, can be customized to one that I love as well. Which would make it extra special. But… The cremation and urn are the bits I’ll need first. After that, I could always save for the pendant (and I’d probably need a nice necklace to hang it on as well).
There are three versions of this pendant, depending on the density of the gold. The cheapest one is already expensive enough for me, so I’ll have to go with that (it’s €275).
It’s so hard to be dealing with this… As I’m writing this, someone already made a generous donation, which of course brought some tears to my eyes… 😢
I made a Toot on Mastodon, where I am asking for help. And, it feels hard for several reasons. I hate asking for money! And I don’t generally like asking for help… And it keeps reminding me that, indeed, my time with Arwen is running out way faster than I hoped it would be…
A little while ago, I was thinking that she’d be at my side for when the surgery comes… Right now, I’m kinda hoping that her ashes will be with me at home when I have to deal with my surgery. And, maybe, I’ll be able to get the pendant made as well… Ugh, this is so hard!
I know I’m sharing this post as an “extra” one, as I usually post one blog a day. But I felt I had to put this out without waiting for a day to be “available” in my schedule. Or without having to change the schedule loads…
I don’t like “begging” for help… But the idea of not being able to take Arwen home again, after she has physically left my side, it would break me even more. And, I can’t face such kind of hardship alone… I need her, it’s selfish I know… But she never stopped believing in me, she saved me, and I just can’t bare to be in a house without her near… Someway….
Sure, I have many picture frames with her everywhere. The guest toilet is like a shrine. 😂 But it’s not the same, I need her to be with me, as much as possible… 😢
Thank you for your support! Thank you for your understanding. Thank you for caring (and sharing). 💕
I will never be able to pay back all that sweet people have done for me and Arwen. But I’ll do all I can to pass on all the kindness and support that I can, should others need it…
💜 🐾 💜
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below, or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. You can also comment when you see this post as a Toot on the Fediverse, and I’ll be notified of that as well. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother with that…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
If you prefer to use PayPal, that’s also a possibility: PayPal.me/CynniPixy
Current GoFundMe for Arwen 🐾 is at gofundme.com/f/AlwaysArwen
Thanks ever so much 💜
Colorful heart shaped urn
Alt text by Bing: The image features a heart-shaped urn crafted to hold the remains of a cherished pet. It is uniquely designed with a glossy, marbled surface that blends vibrant hues of deep red, rich purple, emerald green, and warm orange.Flickr
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si_irini
in reply to Cynni's Blog • • •🥹😢
Oh my dir Cynni
I feel with you
It is difficult
Much love and strength to you ♥️🫂
Love and hugs to Arwen ♥️
Cynni's Blog
in reply to si_irini • • •si_irini
in reply to Cynni's Blog • • •