Recently, I have shared a few posts about dealing with life. How I felt fake at times, how I struggled to keep going by doing the daily routine and chores, how I just feel like I am stumbling through life. And I guess, this is a follow up to those posts.
I share a lot online. Maybe too much. But honestly, I don’t really care… I struggle with social interactions. I don’t have that many friends and most live further away, so I don’t see them that often. And some live too far away and I doubt that I will ever meet them. So my social interactions in real life, as they say, are rather limited. And I guess I am using the social media bits to feel some sort of connection.
I occasionally chat with friends online, but I am often scared that I will be a bother to them, so often I will wait for them to reach out to me. And I guess that doesn’t make me the best friend there is… 😔
So I write. I write on this blog. I write on Mastodon. I share snaps on Pixelfed. I try to make connections and be social and have conversations. But I feel like I am always saying the same, sharing the same, and I just feel like I am this big, fat bore… I know, I am my own worst critic…
I share things about my (daily) life. I write about my struggles, not just with health or money. I write about gadgets, gaming, TV series. But lately, I feel like I hit this vicious circle, where I am stuck in this pattern of doing the same thing over and over, and that includes my writing here.
The interaction I don’t have with folks offline, I try to achieve by sharing loads online. It’s not that I want to gather all the likes or anything like that… I just need a way to feel like I matter. If that makes sense 🤔… I need to believe that my daily (struggles through) life matters somehow…
flic.kr/p/2qJgVaC
As I recently shared, some days I feel fake, like it doesn’t really matter what I do, like no one would care anyway… I don’t need a “pity party”, but I just need to feel like it’s worth all of it. Even when it feels very mundane… 😔
Being single isn’t all bad. You get to live your life your own way. Which can be a great feeling of freedom. Sure, it has downsides. Enough of them, in different levels. But one thing I struggle with at times, is not having someone to just chat with. So, instead of chatting, here I am, typing my fingers off…
I have friends to chat with. I try to meet up with the ones that live near enough when they can and want to. But it it’s been a while since the last chat, I sometimes struggle to pick up the conversation again. I know I can just text most of them, but somehow, or just feels hard to do. But when they text me, I find it a lot easier to just reply…
Which reminds me that I should text sine folks later today… 🫣 (as I write this…).
But yeah, blogging or sharing on Fedi is a lot easier than texting folks when I feel I may be bothering them… A blog or Toot is less direct than a message that goes directly to the friend. And I know that many of my friends are OK with me texting when I can. I know they have their phones on DND (do not disturb) when they’re sleeping or working. But I still feel weird when I text them during the night, as part of me feels I should respect their sleep…. 🤔
So trying to live online through blogs, toots, sharing snaps and visa, sharing my life so I feel a wee bit connected to others through that. If that makes sense… 🤔 Sometimes it can be hard when it’s just you and your dog, and no one to chill out on the couch with, to share the daily bits…
Anywhoooo… That’s a reason why I enjoy blogging so much. Also cause it helps to clear my mind…
To be continued…. As I’ll keep writing…
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother…
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹
I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixyIf you prefer to use PayPal, that’s also a possibility: PayPal.me/CynniPixy
Thanks ever so much 💜
tl;dr
in reply to Pixy's Journey • • •