Iโve always had a busy brain. A million thoughts. A thousand ideas. All these plans with things that I would love to do. Busy, busy, and very busy. I never knew any better. And, before I got Fibro, I was able to keep up with my brain, I was able to keep it satisfied and content. But, as my body was failing to keep up with the activities that my brain was used to, I started to struggle some.
For about 1,5 years now, I have been taking ADHD meds andโฆ They meant a change for me. I had a little less issues with getting to sleep. I was able to focus on things better. To actually make plans of things that I was able to do. And, even though it was less than my brain was hoping for, it was at least a bit easier to satisfy it with the things I could doโฆ
But lately, I have been struggling more. I had these thoughts of doing this or that, usually things that I could easily do, and I found myself struggling to actually do them. I have more issues with concentrating. I have more headaches. I have weird dreams and I often wake up, still feeling tired.
Simple things, as eating properly, getting my exercises in, playing a gameโฆ It was getting harder to deal with. So, I finally scheduled an appointment with my GP. But, as things are with health care here, to find a day and time that suited me, it meant that the appointment was over 3 weeks away from the moment I scheduled it.
And I know my issue wasnโt life threatening. I know I have managed without the meds for quite some time, and I still have them, so I still get something out of them. But, it feels like they are abandoning me. My eyes hurt, I feel tired a lot, my brain is a big mess of all these thoughts and ideas and feelings.
I guess part of it could be triggered with the stressful things that have been happening. The financial mess my male ex is making with the house we still have (I really canโt wait till we can finally sell it). The issues with my hip, and it needing another surgery. Needing to get a grip on all of my finances, as some have changed due to the move and all. Being afraid that some day, I will wake up, or come home from the gym, and find that Arwen may have left meโฆ ๐ So yeah, maybe the stress is getting to me as well. So it may be even more important to reach out and ask for help, discuss the options, if there are anyโฆ
So maybe these additional symptoms are just temporary. Maybe they will get better as some things may improve, or at least become less uncertain? But until then, I may need some additional help to keep my brain in a better condition. Itโs been quite a while since Iโve had so many of these days.
flic.kr/p/2qPFmbT
They start OK, most of the time. I have plans, ideas, of things that I could be doing during that day. I start doing them. Sometimes it goes well, other times, my body is more reluctantโฆ But then, when the needed chores have neem done, or even before that, I start rouget a bad headache. My eyes become very sensitive to light (even more than usual). There is this pounding behind my eyes. I need to take a painkiller, hope that it will help, and have a dark room to lay down in. Sometimes I need silly distraction, as my mind can be racing like crazy.
Some days itโs not too bad, and it goes within an hour. But some daysโฆ Itโs making my eyes water, I canโt focus, Iโm so sensitive to everything and when itโs finally fading again, I feel so exhaustedโฆ Ughโฆ
So Iโll just have to keep going for now. I need to find the best way to deal with this, and hope that Iโll always be able to provide my brain the calm and dark it needs when tiโs this bad. But if course it also happens when I have appointments, and then Iโll just have to make it happen somehowโฆ
I wish it were just an easy case of โjust donโt do that and it will be betterโ. But with mental health issues, itโs never that easy. And there are so many influences that can have a negative effect on how I am doingโฆ Even if I would stay in a dark and quiet room all day, I would still struggleโฆ
Stress, hormones, pain, anxiety, changes, worriesโฆ These things โjustโ keep happening, and most arenโt under my control, unfortunatelyโฆ
Step by step, day by dayโฆ Trying to do everything I can to keep it as bearable as I can. Taking my meds, trying to laten to my body, planning things so itโs not all coming at onceโฆ
To be continuedโฆ
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