A while ago, I shared a post about living online (Trying to live online). And I keep thinking about itβ¦ I donβt have too many friends, but the ones I have, I consider to be very good ones! π And then, there is my phone, where all my βpocket friendsβ are. People that I consider friends, people that I care about, people that Iβll probably never meetβ¦ My online friends. πΉ
I donβt have a partner. I live with Arwen, which is nice, but itβs definitely different than living with a person. And while I enjoy being on my own, doing my own things, living my own lifeβ¦ Sometimes I can feel alone, lonely even (Not lonely, but aloneβ¦, and I miss someone to share my life with. And I guess thatβs where all my social media comes in. Iβm trying to make a difference to this world, Iβm trying to βmatterβ in a way, and my brain tells me that I should do that by sharing stuff online.
I have always felt different. I have always had these busy thoughts. And these thoughts could be βcalmedβ a little by βmaking them feel heardβ, which comes down to: me writing about it.
When I started my real online presence, it wasnβt like it is these days. But then, there was ICQ, MySpace, and Geocities. And, when I got my own cable internet connection, I even got a little bit of space online to build a website. I donβt think I could do that now, these days. But back then, I had my own domain, and it had a website and I also hosted a forum/message board (called βOnce more, with feelingβ, based on the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). It was awesome and I loved it.
But then it got too expensive, and I didnβt have the time for it anymore, so I lost the domain and all I built on it. Although, I met some awesome folks through the forum, and weβre still friends nowβ¦ π
I had a blog, then I had another one. Like with any good ADHD thing, I was very active on my blog, until I wasnβtβ¦ My situation changed, and I ditched the blog, as it was a reminder of the pastβ¦ But then a year passed by and I missed it. I started this blog andβ¦ Iβve been βat itβ ever since. Sharing my journey. Sharing my ups and downs. Sharing my shruggles, my joys and tears, my lifeβ¦
Itβs just me (and Arwen) now. Arwen wonβt last me a lifetime, so at some point, Iβll havr to say goodbye to herβ¦ Which will break my heart π in the biggest way possible. But yeah, I canβt really share my stories with Arwen. Sheβll listen, sheβll comfort me, but thatβs about all that she can do. Weβre making memories, but who will remember them in the end?
So, I write my blog here. Iβve been sharing my journal posts for a long time now. Theyβve changed several times. But the last year or so, I guess theyβve been very βstableβ in how I make them. Besides my journal, I have the weekly quote and silent Sunday posts. And the rest? Itβs all about the journey through lifeβ¦
Dealing with health, dealing with money, enjoying games and music, writing bad reviews, sharing Zoo experiencesβ¦ Iβll share it all!
Are my posts important? Maybe not to many others⦠But they are to me! They give me a way to clear my mind. They make it possible to document my journey through life. And maybe it can help someone somewhere.
Maybe someone else is struggling as well. Maybe they feel alone and misunderstood. Maybe they fear that things wonβt get any betterβ¦ So many maybesβ¦ But! If one of my silly posts could hemp just one person, Iβd be very proud of that! π₯° As it would mean that my writings have helped someone. And letβs be honest, it always good when youβre able to help someoneβ¦
And I know I do repeat myself at times. I guess thatβs how my brain operates. It can work on something, so I witte about it. It will be content with that for a bit, and move on. Only to start wondering about it again making me go back to write about it some more. Maybe it means that Iβll βdiscoverβ something new? Maybe there as something that triggered the same thoughs again and I need to re-evaluate the thing. And, of course, I do that by writing about itβ¦
And Iβm so grateful when my posts get liked. Iβm so happy when I see people sharing them through Mastodon these days. I know it doesnβt mean that they read it all. But just knowing that they care enough to press that share/boost button, it does feel niceβ¦ πΌ
I follow several blogs as well. And there are moments when I try to catch up with them all, but I often fail. Wiring the blogs seems easier than reading. To be honest, itβs been a while since I really read. I used to read before bed time. And I still need to read more in the book βMenopausingβ that a friend gave me. But itβs just been harder to focus on reading these days.
flic.kr/p/2qREu8U
So here I am, wobbling through life, sharing the journey with you allβ¦ And thank you to all that join me in this adventure! π₯° I really appreciate it! It makes me feel a little less lonely during the harder days. It makes me feel like I matter a little, which can sometimes be just the boost that my depressed thoughts needβ¦ So I really am very grateful! π
To be continuedβ¦ As the journey goes onwardsβ¦
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! Iβd be honored. If you donβt want to miss a thing, press the follow button (youβll need to be a signed in WP user, or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below ) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam wonβt get shared, so donβt botherβ¦
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni πΉ
I am living on a disability income and donβt generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, Iβd greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy
If you prefer to use PayPal, thatβs also a possibility: PayPal.me/CynniPixy
Thanks ever so much π
Alt text by Bing: The image features a vibrant, neon-themed design with a large, glowing heart at the center. The heart is outlined in bright pink and purple hues, creating a striking contrast against the dark, textured background.
Flickr
Trying to live online
Recently, I have shared a few posts about dealing with life. How I felt fake at times, how I struggled to keep going by doing the daily routine and chores, how I just feel like I am stumbling through life. And I guess, this is a follow up to those posts.
I share a lot online. Maybe too much. But honestly, I donβt really careβ¦ I struggle with social interactions. I donβt have that many friends and most live further away, so I donβt see them that often. And some live too far away and I doubt that I will ever meet them. So my social interactions in real life, as they say, are rather limited. And I guess I am using the social media bits to feel some sort of connection.
I occasionally chat with friends online, but I am often scared that I will be a bother to them, so often I will wait for them to reach out to me. And I guess that doesnβt make me the best friend there isβ¦ π
So I write. I write on this blog. I write on Mastodon. I share snaps on Pixelfed. I try to make connections and be social and have conversations. But I feel like I am always saying the same, sharing the same, and I just feel like I am this big, fat boreβ¦ I know, I am my own worst criticβ¦
I share things about my (daily) life. I write about my struggles, not just with health or money. I write about gadgets, gaming, TV series. But lately, I feel like I hit this vicious circle, where I am stuck in this pattern of doing the same thing over and over, and that includes my writing here.
The interaction I donβt have with folks offline, I try to achieve by sharing loads online. Itβs not that I want to gather all the likes or anything like thatβ¦ I just need a way to feel like I matter. If that makes sense π€β¦ I need to believe that my daily (struggles through) life matters somehowβ¦
flic.kr/p/2qJgVaC
As I recently shared, some days I feel fake, like it doesnβt really matter what I do, like no one would care anywayβ¦ I donβt need a βpity partyβ, but I just need to feel like itβs worth all of it. Even when it feels very mundaneβ¦ π
Being single isnβt all bad. You get to live your life your own way. Which can be a great feeling of freedom. Sure, it has downsides. Enough of them, in different levels. But one thing I struggle with at times, is not having someone to just chat with. So, instead of chatting, here I am, typing my fingers offβ¦
I have friends to chat with. I try to meet up with the ones that live near enough when they can and want to. But it itβs been a while since the last chat, I sometimes struggle to pick up the conversation again. I know I can just text most of them, but somehow, or just feels hard to do. But when they text me, I find it a lot easier to just replyβ¦
Which reminds me that I should text sine folks later todayβ¦ π«£ (as I write thisβ¦).
But yeah, blogging or sharing on Fedi is a lot easier than texting folks when I feel I may be bothering themβ¦ A blog or Toot is less direct than a message that goes directly to the friend. And I know that many of my friends are OK with me texting when I can. I know they have their phones on DND (do not disturb) when theyβre sleeping or working. But I still feel weird when I text them during the night, as part of me feels I should respect their sleepβ¦. π€
So trying to live online through blogs, toots, sharing snaps and visa, sharing my life so I feel a wee bit connected to others through that. If that makes senseβ¦ π€ Sometimes it can be hard when itβs just you and your dog, and no one to chill out on the couch with, to share the daily bitsβ¦
Anywhooooβ¦ Thatβs a reason why I enjoy blogging so much. Also cause it helps to clear my mindβ¦
To be continuedβ¦. As Iβll keep writingβ¦
Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! Iβd be honored. If you donβt want to miss a thing, press the follow button (youβll need to be a signed in WP user) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam wonβt get shared, so donβt botherβ¦
Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni πΉ
I am living on a disability income and donβt generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, Iβd greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixyIf you prefer to use PayPal, thatβs also a possibility: PayPal.me/CynniPixy
Thanks ever so much π
Explore Cynni Pixy's 22750 photos on Flickr!
Flickr
Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama
in reply to Kevin Davy • • •I wonder if that publication would want my stuff
ActuallyAutistic group reshared this.
Kevin Davy
in reply to Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama • • •Never know, unless you try.
ActuallyAutistic group reshared this.
Goiterzan/Amygdalai Lama
in reply to Kevin Davy • • •honestly, Iβm not going to. It looks like a time is coming when having my book will just get people
in trouble. This is not the time
for attempted reform.
.
I should print a few and bury them, as time capsules. π
ActuallyAutistic group reshared this.